I shall call this 'Jackie Chan Facing', it is the most important thing that I've ever done.

The Time a Bully Had Me Cornered In The Washroom and My Ballsy Escape.

So today I am going to re-post an article from a while back, it's one of my favorite life stories.

This story goes all the way back to when I was in grade 2. I am not sure how old that would make me but 6 feels about right, I was a tiny kid, chubby face, happy, unkempt hair, real pick-on-able. The kind of kid that this jackass we called Tommy Toomey loved to target. Tommey Toomey was our class's bully, he was several grades older than us and not very popular amongst kids his own age. He spent his recesses chasing down kids ten times smaller than him like a goddamn Tyrannosaurus and he got his nickname from a movie about kids who can jump into stamps and be transported to wherever/whenever the picture on the stamp is from. It was called 'Tommy Tricker and the Stamp Traveller' and as I look that up just now for the first time in about two decades I am smacked in the face with the fact that I am totally remembering his name wrong. Was it Tommy Tricker that we called him? It must have been. Ok, so anyway Tommy Tricker the little a**hole liked to beat me up.

 

I haven't seen it in a while but I am pretty sure

the little douche in the shades is Tommy Tricker
 

That's the set up for the most balsy, bravest, most hardcore thing I've ever done.

One day I found myself in the boys washroom, happily alone and having a pee. I finished up and because even back then I knew it was gross not to; I washed my hands and dried up. Before I could leave; the door opened and I heard the stupid voice of Tommy Tricker coming in, I froze. I didn't have time to hide and I knew the second he saw me he'd come after me. See, earlier in the day he was on top of my friend Mark, beating him up. I ran to the rescue and pushed him off, he promised revenge upon me and now here he was. Standing in front of me; blocking my only exit. He sneered at me and stomped towards me, he couldn't believe his luck. He made sure to let me know just how dead I was. Like...this was happening. I am a little kid, I have a bully coming at me who's about twice the size of me and I have no way out. To get to the door I knew I'd have to go through him; so as I was backing up a plan formed in my 6 year old mind. It's amazing, even as a little kid when your back's up against the wall like that you start thinking tactically. In that moment I was as Batman as I'd ever been and have ever been since.

The doors to the stalls swing outward, I formulated that if I could lure him into place I could grab a hold of the door and shotgun it into his ugly face before he could even react. It was my one shot, I had no chance taking him in a fist fight. AGAIN...I feel the need to point out that these were all actual thoughts I had at that moment. I was 6! I backed up, baiting in Tommy by asking for mercy, and begging him to leave me alone. That's like catnip to a bully, he kept coming. I SPECIFICALLY remember plotting out a plan that involved not looking at the door as I backed up, waiting for it to cross my peripheral vision before I made my move for fear of giving myself away.

Finally Tommy stepped into place, without turning my head I reached for the door. I played my part perfectly, Tommy had no chance to react. That door hit that kid so hard it knocked him right off his feet, I annihilated him. I ran. As I sprung forward the heap on the floor that used to be Tommy Tricker started screaming death threats at me. I could still hear them as I rounded the corner into my classroom to safety. I was 6!

File photo

The best part is that he never did get his revenge, he left school not long after.

Tom Writes a Romantic Comedy

 

I don't like this picture either but I wanted to use a drawing of a couple for this post and if you think it's easy to find a drawing anywhere online of a couple that ISN'T done in Japanese Anime THEN YOU TRY.

I am going to write a romantic comedy.

I am going to write a romantic comedy and I am going to make it as real as possible. I hate romantic comedies; that's why I want to write one. I always hear people say that romantic comedies represent to women their perfect fantasies, that's why all the women are well educated, successful, flawlessly beautiful career driven women who have great friends and families but are missing that ONE special thing in their lives; a man who's ruggedly handsome and incredibly stylish who is both incredibly smooth and adorably able to laugh at himself because being charming is effortless to him. He's very successful but has a really chill job where he plays pool in the middle of the office, has tons of free time and hangs out with his boss like they're best friends. It's all horses**t. Who lives that life? Who's first date involves walking onto the floor of Madison Square Garden and playing a game of strip horse? Who's first date involves going backstage at the art exhibition where you get to meet all the artists and get invited to a lavish penthouse party? It's hores**t. You know what a first date is? A coffee in a small cafe and maybe a walk. It's going shopping together and struggling through awkward conversation until you finally start clicking. It's pretty rare that anyone ever walks up to a total stranger and has a perfect little conversation with her and how many couples do you know do crazy, goofy things like spontaneously running backwards through a street or have a cute little food fight in a restaurant booth? If you do know a couple like that; in what world are they anything but insufferable?

If you can't relate to the movie then how can it be an escapist fantasy?

 Seriously, it's SO hard finding pictures to accompany a post about romantic comedies.
What do I even type into google? 'Romance' 'Couple'?

I've hated almost every romantic comedy I've ever seen so I figure I should probably try to write one myself.

Here's my Rom-Com idea:

Brandon is madly in love with his girlfriend Mika and is finally invited to meet her friends, he hopes he can win them over because he knows how much they mean to her. He can't. At the diner party he clashes with every single one of them, by then end of the night Brandon can honestly say he genuinely hates every single one of them and he knows the feeling is mutual. Mika's friends mean the world to her and Brandon feels a distance growing between them as she's forced to constantly choose between her boyfriend and her friends. Brandon decides to right his wrong by winning over the affections of a group of people he absolutely can't stand, who absolutely can't stand him.

Or something like that, I don't know. I am going to play with it a little and use this blog to work on it but for real; there are no good pictures to go along with this subject matter so I don't know what I am going to do about that.

People. Until next time, have a good morning beautiful day.

-Thomas Holler-

One Minute Short Script About a LOSER.

I disappeared for a while, I don't want to get into why too much but a lot of my writing time has gone towards writing resumes and cover letters (I am employed but I'd like to try something else). It really is a creativity killer. Anyway here's what I am writing now:

Three One Minute Short Films

#1

Jeff is an average man walking down an average city street, he doesn't seem to have a direction or anyplace to go and his pace dictates that he's out for a stroll; just observing the world. He seems almost nervous amongst the crowds as they pass him by and there's a distance between him and those around him, while he see others interacting with each other he seems hesitant to make and real eye contact with anyone. He's depressed.

As he passes by a corner restaurant he sees a woman rush out the front door, his eyes lock to her. He's captivated by her, for a second he wants to call out to her and get her attention in some way but his introverted nature won't allow it. She's rushing anyway and he has no good reason to approach her and strike up a conversation. Deflating; he watches her walk away. As she crosses past him her glove falls out of her pocket and lands on the ground, she doesn't notice. She's actually quite far now, almost across the street. Jeff looks at the glove, normally he would just call out that she dropped something but she's so far away. In order to return her glove would take a big gesture, he'd have to pick it up chase after her and shout her down to get her to stop and turn around. For Jeff that's not something that comes easily. He wants to, he sees the glove and the woman but his nature is still holding him back. He's trying to talk himself into it, there isn't much time left. Jeff in a moment of breakthrough steps outside of himself and steps towards the glove sitting on the street. He's excited. He's really going to go for it for the very first time, he's nervous as he steps towards it and begins to reach for it. He's startled back by the sudden appearance of someone else, some man. The man noticed the dropped glove and came running out of the restaurant after the woman, he strides confidently as he scoops up the glove off the concrete. The man runs across the street with a smile and shouts to this beautiful stranger, displaying the kind of confidence that Jeff can only wish for. She turns to him, Jeff can't hear what they say but her embarrassed smile says more than enough. They laugh, he makes her laugh, Jeff watches. She touches his arm, they laugh, Jeff watches. They walk away down the street together, Jeff watches. Jeff puts his hands back in his pockets, he looks around at the people outside; no one gives any indication that they notice him. Jeff walks away, head down.

THE SECOND TIME BEN GOT STABBED

I had to run outside in the bitter cold of winter at 12 am just to get some STUPID margarine.

HOUSE ARRESTED - A peek inside a house where a robber, a gangster, a psychopath and an innocent man are all under house arrest and can't leave.

Yeah I dropped the cop from the show.



BENJAMIN and CONRAD and in the kitchen, BENJAMIN's cooking at the stove.

CONRAD
YOU DON'T MAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S EGGS BENJAMIN!

BENJAMIN
I'll make you some.

CONRAD
YOU WILL ONLY MAKE ME SOME, no one else is eating my eggs. Why the HELL are you touching them?

BENJAMIN goes to answer but CONRAD's still going, he cuts him off.

CONRAD
How about I touch something of yours! How about I touch your bread!

CONRAD pulls out a whole load of bread from the pantry and stomps on it.

CONRAD
And your bullshit cookies.

CONRAD stomps the box to the ground, he continues to destroy all the food BENJAMIN has and some of his shirts.

CONRAD
It was STUPID of you to touch my eggs. It was STUPID of you to touch my eggs.

ANDRE rounds the corner into the kitchen.

ANDRE
Yo, are those my eggs?

ANDRE takes the eggs from BENJAMIN's hand, noticing the mess but not acknowledging it.

CONRAD
What are you doing?

ANDRE
I asked BENJAMIN to make me some eggs.

CONRAD
He used MY eggs.

ANDRE
You don't have eggs, you traded me all of yours for a favor.

CONRAD
What favor?

ANDRE
I told you if you traded me your eggs I would protect you from JEREMEY.

CONRAD
And you didn't he stabbed me last week.

BENJAMIN
Wait a minute, you told me that you'd protect me from JEREMEY if I made you breakfast.

ANDRE
Don't worry, I've got my eye out for him.

ANDRE walks away.

They're silent for a second, BENJAMIN smiles, he's about to say something when JEREMEY bursts out from underneath the table and stabs him in the stomach with the scissors.

 

BENJAMIN

OH GOD!

GOOD NEWS AND A GORY VIDEO FOR HALLOWEEN!

One quick update.

It appears our gory horror video called Cleaver has been noticed by the people at www.horrorpalace.com and will be featured there in the coming weeks.

In the meantime it can be viewed here at:

https://www.youtube.com/user/theBeautifulTV

I've also linked the youtube channel to this blog.

Anyway, I am going to try to write my script tonight or at least get through my character descriptions.

A POST FOR SPACE NERDS

This footage was takes from the first EVER time that we were able to get a probe far enough to see Jupiter. By a fluke, NASA scientists realized that just as they were getting ready to chose a target for their Voyager satellite; they stumbled upon the fact that Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune were all going to converge on an orbit that made it possible to visit all four with comparitively little effort.

This was our first view of the gas giant:

Mrs. Aguilera has the distinction of being one of the first
celebs to pop up when I search "fat celebs" in google images.

and this was our first view of Jupiter, imagine how haunting it must have been to see this MASSIVE planet come out of the darkness for the first time. Swirling with life:

Click to watch it swirl

And with that, here's a re-post of a very old story I wrote about two people contemplating outer space on a walk home from the bar.

EXT. – FRONT OF LOCAL BAR 

We watch as two men leave a bar during the last hours of the night, the two look slightly worn. The two men are in total contrast; Man #1 seems wide eyed and awake, Man #2 looks like he is completely ready for bed and can barley keep his eyes open. As they begin their walk away from the bar they take a moment, an extended hesitation as this is something they clearly do not want to do. They begin their walk through the parking lot.

Man #1

I don’t want to go to work

Man #2

(Slightly more emphatic)

I don’t want to go to work. If we go home right now we can get about 5 hours sleep before we have to be up. You just crash at my place.

Man#1

(Kicks a can on the ground)

Sarah won’t get mad?

Man #2

(Uncaring)

I don’t know

The two men pass the bar and head toward the park

Scene 2

EXT- LOCAL PARK

The two men cut the park on the way home, the mood is still gloomy. Its late they are tired and neither is excited about seeing another work week begin.

Man #1

Are you glad you moved in with Sarah?

Man #2

Well, it’s not like I had a choice, I couldn’t afford to move out on my own and no one else wanted to move in with me.

Man #1

Who did you ask?

Man #2

No one. Sarah would have gotten pissed if I moved out with anyone other than her; she takes that kind of thing to mean that I don’t want to be with her.

Man #1

So than why would you…

As he begins his sentence the sky lights up a shade of purple and both men are startled.

Man #1

Whoa, what?

Man #2

Holy.

They both freeze there for a moment looking upward

Man #2

That had to have been a comet or something

Man #1

Meteorite

Again they fall silent while looking toward the sky, after a few moments they begin to walk again. Neither man can look away from the sky.

Man #1

Jeez

Man #2

That stuffs crazy

Man #1

I know, when I was I kid I was really into that stuff. Space and stars and other planets, I used to just stare at the sky at night.

Man #2

Same. I had friends that knew a lot about it, I remember laying on the grass a lot with them looking at outer space.

Man #1

Yeah.

Man #2

Yeah. We should get home.

Man #1

We SHOULD get home.

Scene 3

EXT – A PARK BENCH OUTSIDE A LOCAL SCHOOL

The two men are sitting on a park bench outside of a school, both men are now fixated on the sky, both men have the curious smile of two children lost in imagination. The shot moves from the in-front view to behind them looking upward and sharing the view of the stars that both men are enjoying.

Man #1 breaks the silence

Man #1

Y’know how you take the stars for granted?

Man #2

(Enthusiastically)

Totally

Both men feel like they reached an epiphany and everything that follows is said with a tremendous sense of both discovery and importance.

Man #1

We never really look at the stars with everything we know. Its like we know all about them scientifically but we never think about that knowledge and look at them at the same time.

Man #2

(Looks at him quizzically)

Man #1

I am going to go into a rant here....just be quiet 'cause it doesn’t work otherwise.

Ok

(Takes a second to compose his thoughts)

I mean...you remember “Light Brite”, that thing where it was this giant light; then you got special black paper and put it over the light so that when you poked the colored pegs through; the light would go into the pegs and they would light up?

(He doesn’t wait for any answer)

Man #1

No one ever, ever got more paper when they ran out so they just reused the old ones. Then when they put the paper with all these little holes on the “Lite Brite”; you would see all these pin pricks of light poke through the paper. That’s kind of like how people look at the stars, like they are just these little pricks of light in the sky. AND NO (he gets confrontational, as though he is defending himself to no one) I AM NOT SAYING that people think the sky has holes in it or anything like that. I am just saying. People don’t really think much about those lights.

Man #1 breaks into a confident smile

Man#1

My point is it’s amazing to think; when you really do think, how impressive that little light is. Just in terms of distance; that thing is hundreds of billions of miles away. That is totally inconceivable to people, all we base distance on is distances we can travel on earth. That’s like walking the whole earth a million times, it’s like we KNOW that’s a lot but we can’t really conceive of what that would be like. If you walked as far as you could toward it…

With that it appears as if Man #2 begins to walk toward the star, climbing upward as though there were and invisible staircase. He keeps walking until he is in space and keeps walking toward his target getting further and further out of distance.

… then when you died; you had a kid that walked as far as HE could toward it; and so on…

This time we see Man #2 in outer space he has made some distance between himself and the earth but is still relatively nowhere, he is an old man now. When he collapses and dies, a man looking relatively similar to Man #2 begins his quest; taking up where his father left off. Through a series of dissolves indicating the passage of time we go through many generations.

… it would take a million generations of you to even get close…

In space now we see a man wearing futuristic clothing indicating that hundreds of years have passed, when the camera pulls out we see that he is still a long ways off from reaching that star.

Reality snaps back, the focus is back on the bench.

Man #1

IT LOOKS LIKE ITS RIGHT THERE. Even the moon is so far away; like... (Makes a gesture, a hand wave saying "forget about it"). Plus since light takes so long to travel to earth; what we are looking at is all in the past. This is ALL one big rerun and in reality the sky up there looks nothing like this.

We step out of reality again as when Man #1 reaches to the sky he grips stars and moves them all over the sky to make his point, occasionally tossing a few away.

…some stars are gone over here some new ones are over there, it’s something else entirely AND we won’t even know for another hundred years or so…

Back to reality

Man #1

What’s really crazy is how BIG that little thing is, those stars are way bigger than the sun. If we were to drift close to one, ignoring the fact we'd all be fried; as soon as we got within a million miles one star would fill up out whole sky and then some. It’s like comparing the size of a rock to a lake, it’s so messed.

A black hole floats into view

One black hole or one star explosion happens a long way ways and we are toast; there really is NOTHING we could do. There would never be any record of any human existence ever.

The world is quickly sucked into oblivion; we are left in complete blackness.

Man #2

(Through the blackness)

Do you believe in aliens?

Back to reality

Man#1

Don’t know

Man #2

(Far too serious)

I am just saying that a lot of people think that we are being documented by other creatures.

(Looks hard at Man #1 and nods)

So at least if they were; than some one would know about us. I was watching this show the other day where they mentioned that there is a facility that sends out radio frequency signals throughout space and try and get one back from some other life form. One day they got one back…

Man #1

(Sits up)

Shit!

Man #2

Yeah.

(Another deep serious stare, head nodding)

It was a signal for about 3 minutes, after they confirmed it wasn’t their own bouncing off some asteroid and started trying to find it, the signal stopped. That was in nineteen-seventy… something. It’s the only success they ever had but the government STILL has them in business, that PROVES that the signal was real.

They both seem shocked, and maybe a little frightened. They look back toward the sky, this time as though they had suddenly become aware of some horrible truth.

Man #2

On the show they said that it’s most likely that they aren’t aliens but travelers from the future. But if you think about that, of all times that they could be visiting why now? Nothing has really happened in our time. If you think about it they have to know that something big is going to happen soon.

Hey honestly, if I had to guess I would say that they know that some huge catastrophe is coming that they have to stop.

With that both men stand up and walk, they head across the street neither one looking away from the sky. They navigate the lawn avoiding lawn ornaments, trees and gardens without ever looking down. When they get to the front porch they open the door, take one last look and head inside.

THE TIME I CAUGHT THE NORWALK VIRUS WHILE TESTING PLAYSTATIONS

So I've decided to tie the new idea I am writing into a previous one I wrote called the Beautiful.

I want to use the same two main character and the big guy who shoots the undercover cop. I am not even going to reference back to the show but this gives me some character points to write from. I have the cop character sort of worked out in my head but I am still chewing on ideas for the rest of the inmates/house arrested, so I have nothing to add. I hate it when I don't have a script page to add; I consider it a failure. Writing scripts for me couldn't be more organic, I literally just write out the things I've been daydreaming about; a chimp could write the way I do. I try to come up with an idea and characters that are fun to daydream about and go, that process isn't working right now and I think it's because I am forcing it. So I am going to relax and let it come when it comes, should be soon.

Just so I actually do have something halfway amusing to add to this site I'll share with you a very short story about the worst day I ever worked that should have been the best day I ever worked.

THE TIME I CAUGHT THE NORWALK VIRUS WHILE TESTING PLAYSTATIONS

This was a long time ago and I was working for a department store called Liquidation World in Ajax, Ontario. Liquidation World was a store that got all sorts of liquidated items from all over Canada and sold them at a discount, usually food, furniture, paint, toys, candles, glassware, everything. Electronics came in from time to time and it was always a big deal, especially one particular day when we were due to get a shipment of playstations and playstation games. This was back when the first PS was still new and expensive, we just took on a whole inventory of returned systems and it was MY JOB THAT DAY TO PLAY THE PLAYSTATIONS, PLAY ALL THE GAMES AND MAKE SURE THEY WORKED. That ALL deserved to be in caps so do even question me on that. God's funny. Right as I was setting up the systems in the break room I felt myself getting more and more dizzy, I felt like there was something badly wrong with my stomach. It felt like I ate a baseball, I got sicker and sicker as I sat down and turned on the first game. It was Tekken, I loved Tekken and it worked perfectly. What I had was the Norwalk virus, a NASTY little bugger of a flu bug that made a man vomit uncontrollably. I don't remember how long I was able to stick around and play those video games because all I do remember is spending about an hour in the bathroom throwing up before someone called my dad to come pick me up. We drove right to the hospital and I threw up in the waiting room and left after being there for over an hour. I spent the next eight hours throwing up every 20 minutes, I would even be woken up from a deep sleep with the jarring instinct to run to the toilet. When I returned to work four days later it was my job to help unload a hot, dirty furniture truck. Thomas Holler.

HOUSE ARRESTED SCRIPT - ROUGH LOGLINE

So this is my initial idea for the next script I am going to write, this is meant to be the basis for a few internet short comedies. I wanted to come up with something that's SUPER basic in terms of filming but is able to both justify the feel of small production values and provide an idea that can be mined for lots and lots of comedy. This will be shot with a webcam and a stationary cam set up that will be filmed like security cam footage, that means it's easy to shoot and easy to edit.

The House Arrested

The House Arrested is a comedy about a group of outcast, low level criminals who live in a shared residence under the supervision of Police Constable Benjamin Carp. The show is presented through  webcam video reports to his bosses about the day's events, cut with the house's security camera footage.

Day 1: When a democratic voting process is adopted for day to day house decisions each inmate tries to gain power by forming secret alliances and making back room deals. Only they're AWFUL at it. Constantly confusing which deals and alliances they've agreed to, the housemates have to resort to a contentious sit down discussion to work it all out.


I spelled contentious right on my first try BTW.

CHECK OUT THIS STORY PREMISE

DOPE is a show that I came up with and like to write episodes for. Imagine Ghostbusters except it's all government controlled. The Department of Paranormal Events (DOPE) is a low level branch of the government where the three protagonists work.

Anyway check out this one episode premise because I am proud of it:

Rooney, Ervin and Randall are chased into a small cabin by a pack of vampires and Randall has been bitten. They can hold up until sunset when the vampires would retreat but if they do that then Randall would die and become one of them. He needs the vampire virus cure which is in the standard DOPE medical kit in their car and he needs it ASAP.

Rooney and Randall risk certain death at the hands of a ravenous pack of wild vampires. Electing to save their friend Ervin constructs a plan to draw the attention of the vampires from within the cabin allowing Rooney to escape out back. Rooney has to race through a kilometer of vampire territory at night to find their car and get it back to Ervin who was left to fortify and protect the cabin from a pack of strong and frenzied vampires who are determined to tear their way inside where Randall lays helpless and dying on the floor; bound to turn into a deadly vampire himself at any minute.

MY RECURRING DAYDREAM - 3

The conclusion to my little superhero story.

The three men run, they flee the house and run into a shed out back and frantically board up the door. The leader of the group is named Aaron, he's slightly older than the other two. They have a shotgun held by SCUMBAG and two big knives held by Aaron and the 3rd man. DIRTBAG.

AARON
Save those bullets. Do you understand me, they're our only chance. You don't pull that trigger unless you have it aimed a foot away from it's head.

DIRTBAG
We need to run before he gets up.

AARON
He'll catch us.

A primal roar is heard, it's a violent and guttural sound. Wholly inhuman. They're terrified.

SCUMBAG

WE HAVE TO RUN!

AARON
He'll CATCH US.

DIRTBAG
Shut up! 

The men get quiet, they can hear the sounds of the monster smashing up the house room by room. It sounds angry.

They hear it getting closer and closer, it's outside the door. They can hear it stalking around the small shed, they can see it's shadow as it passes past the cracks in the walls where the lights from the house shine down on the dark shed. They can hear it's primal snorts of air up against the walls of the shed, a guttural rumbling in it's gut. Aaron turns to SCUMBAG who is shaking with the shotgun in his hands.

 

AARON
Don't miss.

The back wall explodes apart, it smashes through with ease, Aaron charges it with his knife held above is head, the knife comes down in the creature's neck. I has no effect, it grabs his arm and obliterates it. Aaron twist around and screams, he's facing the two horrified men. Blood gushes from his arm. The beast grabs his head from behind and pulls down on it like a pez dispenser, it snaps right off and rolls on the ground. The beast steps inside.

It's the man in the tattered mask, the area's where his skin is exposed looks grey and pale, dead. He's something between a zombie and a vampire, his eyes are yellow and expressionless. His movements are animalistic.

Scumbag screams, Dirtbag runs. Scumbag pulls his gun and shoots, nothing stops it. Scumbag is pounced upon and torn apart.

Dirtbag is running as hard as he can, the beast can be heard closing in behind him. Dirtbag screams, Cockroach runs alongside him and strikes him down. Dirtbag goes rolling along the hard pavement of the road, his knife skipping alongside him, sparking as it clashes with the road.

Dirtbag is hurt, he reaches for the knife but the beast that was Cockroach picks it up. Dirtbag tries to scamper away but he's stomped on. The beast bares down on him and holds the knife up, intending to strike down on Dirtbag's head with the large knife.

As Dirtbag winces the beast halts, there's the first glimmer of cognitive thought to his movements. He shakes his head, like someone trying to shake out the cobwebs and regain sobriety. His pale yellow eye behind the tattered black mask give way to his human blue eyes.

He's back. Cockroach is back and the beast is gone. He looks up to see himself holding a knife, he looks down to see Dirtbag cowering.

 

COCKROACH
Did you kill a blonde girl?

DIRTBAG
I am SORRY!

COCKROACH
I don't believe you.

'THUNK'. The sound of Dirtbag's head being split open with a knife.

-END-

Oh wow. That was violent. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

I HAVE A RECURRING DAYDREAM - 2

I am continuing this story, check out my last entry if you're interested in catching up.

----------------------------------------

Cont'd

The man takes a moment, the room is quiet and very dark. He gets up off the floor onto his knees, he turns towards the door and stops. Staring back at him is the barrel end of a dirty shotgun, it's held by a scumbag in a white t-shirt with blood stains all over it. Her blood. He speaks.

"You're in big trouble."

The scumbag pulls the trigger, the bullet goes through the man's mouth and explodes out the back of his head. He slumps backwards, his eyes seem impossibly focused and locked on his killer's as he falls backwards. The scumbag is startled, he runs out to the backyard where 2 other men are loading up their truck with stolen items, one of them is trying to wash the blood off of his face. Beside him is a large knife.

SCUMBAG 1
There's someone here

The men drop what they're doing in a panic and rush to their weapons. There's confusion.

SCUMBAG 1
He's inside with the girl, I don't know who he was. I shot him in the head, he's dead.

The night is dark, the house is almost pitch black. One can barely make out the figures as they cautiously stalk the house towards the room where the mysterious stranger had been murdered. The soft light of the room with the two bodies illuminates the group as they inch closer, they see the body of the girl first and don't even react. Towards the far wall they see the slumped body of someone else, dressed all in black.

His upright feet obscure their viewpoint, they move closer...there's movement. They all ready their weapons and step forward, the scumbag with the shotgun is forced to take point. As he gets closer he see's clearly that the man on the floor is breathing, he's breathing very fast. There's a growling sound, something primal and inhuman. He spasms, his growling gets ferocious. He's waking up.

The two man in back's faces have gone white. They recognize the mask, they know exactly who this is. They are in BIG trouble.

"IT'S COCKROACH, RUN!!!!!!!"

To be concluded.

-APE-

FEELING UNINSPIRED

Yeah, that's a pretty good representation of how I've felt lately, just uninspired and unmotivated to work and wow; that orangutang (spelled that right on the first try btw) eats pretty healthy doesn't he?

I plan on writing more new material soon, I actually kind of have to but lately I've just been blanking. I am in a funk, sometimes I get in funks. I'll pop out of it soon, the weekend starts tomorrow so hopefully I can be productive. I WILL be productive.

I was going through my old catalog of scripts and damn, I've actually written a lot. A show about middle class people who start a gang, a short about someone not being sure what his background is so he and his pal go on a borderline racist quest to find out if he's black or not (they play basketball and dance) and here's on oldie I dug out:

A little story about a guy who woke up after a party and realized a woman had raped him, he's on a quest to either have her arrested or to get her number. It totally depends on whether or not she's hot. I'm not crazy about it to be honest, I like the concept so it's worth revising someday.

OPEN: Tom and Chip are sitting with a middle aged, no nonsense cop. He’s at his desk and Tom and Chip are sitting across from him in chairs. Chip has a black eye.

COP

So I am to understand that your friend here was raped?

The camera pans around to see TOM and CHIP sitting there.

CHIP

Yes, that's correct.

TOM

By a girl. I want to make that very clear! That much I am sure of.

CHIP

He called me early this morning and confided in me what happened. I am the one who advised him to come here.

COP

And you are?

CHIP

I am Chip, I am a friend of his and I was with him on the night in question but I left before the incident happened.

COP

I see. Do we know who did this to you mr...?

TOM

Tom, and no. That's the problem.

COP

Do you feel you were drugged?

TOM

I think so, I remember it happening but I kept passing out. I had one drink that night and it was bought for me by some girl in green. I just remember lots of green.

COP

Well we'll certainly look into this, we'll need details to help us find this person. So you'll be looking to press charges then?

TOM

Well that totally depends what she looks like

COP

Why should that have any bearing on this case?

TOM

Because if she's pretty then I have no problem with what she did.

CHIP

No, why would you? At that point it's just annoying that she roofied you and made you forget everything.

COP

legally speaking it's a serious offense regardless of appearance.

CHIP

But morally speaking, it's only wrong if she's ugly.

TOM

Yeah if this girl turns out to be ugly I want her locked up like a little pig for touching me. That's a horrible thing to do to someone, do you understand what a violation like that feels like?

COP

And if she's attractive?

TOM

Then how lucky am I? Honestly.

CHIP

Oh my god. If she turns out to be sexy can you imagine? You could write a penthouse letter about that. If she's attractive it goes from being a tragic story about someone taking advantage of you to something we can all high five about.

TOM

Seriously if she turns out to be attractive then all I want from you is her contact info.

COP

That’s not how this works. What information can you give me?

TOM

It happened at a bar in Peterborough

COP

Peterborough?

He looks quizzically at his form.

COP

According to this that’s at 4 hour drive from your home. Why were you all the way up there?

CHIP

Irrelevant

COP

I’ll decide what’s relevant.

TOM

We were just driving around.

COP

Why were you on those roads.

CHIP

Don’t tell him. WE PLEAD THE 5^TH.

TOM

You’re making it sound so much worse

COP

Somebody tell me what you were doing on a country road at near 2 in the morning! What were you planning on doing all the way out there in the middle of nowhere?

TOM

Burying a cat.

COP

You killed a cat?

TOM

You just assume that?

CHIP

No one killed the cat, it was my cat. I loved that cat.

COP

You drove 3 hours out of the city to bury your cat?

CHIP

(Irritable)

I would have driven for days if that’s how long it took to find a beautiful spot. What do you do with your cats; throw them in a dumpster?

One of the other officers in the room whispers to COP

COP

My associate just informed me that we responded to a domestic disturbance call that same night, the complainee said that two men were burying some trash in his yard and got into a physical confrontation with him. He’s on his way right now to file a complaint, why don’t you two stick around for that.

TOM

I am filing a complaint against him. He was way over the top, he threw a dead cat at me.

CUT to footage of the man approaching Tom and Chip as they begin to dig a ditch on his property. An argument ensues, Tom picks up the dead cat and throws it at the man, the man catches it and throws it back at Tom, hitting him. Chip freaks out over his cat being tossed around.  The man tells them to find someplace else.

COP

Something tells me you’re going to be here a while. Why don’t you finish your story. After you and your friend here were through burying your friend’s cat what did you do?

CHIP

I said a few words. Something off the cuff I believe.

Cut to shot of Tom and Chip in a nice field, standing by a small grave. Chip pulls out several tear soaked pages of paper and begins to read his eulogy.

COP

And then you headed to the bar?

CHIP

Yes

CUT to a shot back at the house where they had the confrontation with The MAN, Tom and Chip pull up and sneak out of their car and towards the house. Once they get there CHIP sneaks up to the man’s front door and starts peeing on it.

CUT to the 3 of them arguing on the doorstep after the man answers the door

CUT to Tom pulling out of the driveway fast with the man chasing them with a bat. Chip is unconscious in the back seat. Tom pulls into a bar and sits down at the bar. A woman voice says “Excuse me, you look like you had a hard day, want a drink?” and we fade out to the police station.

TOM

I go in, I sit down and someone hands me a drink. I don’t remember who, I can’t remember any faces. I just remember green. She was wearing green. We ended up back at my place, I remember bits and pieces of what she did to me but I was almost completely out of it. I don’t remember if she was hot or not.

COP

Once again we will not discriminate based on a person’s physical appearance, a crime is a crime whether you’re attractive or not. Is that understood?

TOM

Not really

CHIP

It makes no sense to me.

TOM

One the one hand, if she’s unattractive; or you know what? Even if she’s just kind of average, then what she did is sickening. I’ll never get over that. But on the other hand if she’s really hot I get over it pretty quickly

COP

I am no longer interested in helping you.

SCENE 2: Tom and Chip are driving

TOM

That’s why I didn’t want to go to the police in the first place.

CHIP

Well if there’s one good thing that come out of it; it’s that it jogged our memory. Now we can head back to that bar and ask some question.

TOM

And if there’s one bad thing to come out of it?

CHIP

Then it would probably be all the fines we ended up getting.

TOM
How much did yours total out to?

CHIP

A little under a thousand dollars.

TOM

Mine was only half that but you flipped them off on the way out.

CHIP

That was costly.

CUT to chip flipping the police off as he leaves, only to be tackled and re-arrested.

CHIP

So what if we find this girl? What are you going to say to her?

TOM

I am going to say “You sick twisted bitch. You’re the scum of the Earth. Someone who preys on other people. Someone...

CHIP

...Someone so vile, so weak , you can’t even control your own urges? Go die.

TOM

You DRUG me to get me into bed? You disgusting cow. You’re ROBBED me of my peace of mind. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, I will never have peace of mind again because of what you did to me. You bitch, you criminal. I hate you. You’ve destroyed my life, I’ll NEVER put this back together again. A piece will always be missing, A PIECE YOU STOLE. I HOPE YOU DIE!

CHIP

Ok but what if she turns out to be hot

TOM

I am going to be like...What’s going on? Ummm, I had a good time last night. You didn’t have to drug (laughs) you didn’t have to drug me but mistakes happen aaaand if you want to get together again sometime here’s my cell number. Feel free to call it.

CHIP

That sounds good.

SCENE 4: Tom and Chip pull up to a bar and get out, they enter and walk around for a little bit. Checking out the people.

Close up on Tom as we hear a familiar voice.

WAITRESS 1

Oh hey it’s you again.

WAITRESS 1 is absolutely beautiful and dressed in an all green waitress uniform.

TOM

Excuse me?

WAITRESS 1

I am so sorry for what I did, I hope you’re okay. I had a lot of fun with you last night, I know you’re probably mad but I just need you to know that.

Beat.

TOM

Oh no...no no no, don’t worry about it. I am fine. It was a bit weird but I am glad you did it. It was a lot of fun actually. If I am being totally honest I am hoping we can make it happen again, but I don’t want to put any pressure on you.

WAITRESS 1

Not at all, I’ll go get her for you.

TOM

What?

WAITRESS 1

My co-worker Cathy. I am so glad to hear that you guys hit it off, she didn’t say anything about it when we talked so I wasn’t sure. Again I am sorry I passed you off onto her but she liked and I already have a boyfriend.

CATHY enters from the back wearing the same green uniform.  She’s very unattractive. She sees Tom.

CATHY

Oh shit

CATHY looks at Tom, mouth agape. Waitress 1 looks at Cathy, smiling. Tom looks at waitress 1 and then over to Cathy slowly, his shocked face turning to disgust.

Beat

TOM

You sick twisted bitch...

END