A story writing blog

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I am 6'4 and I can't dunk, it's my single biggest failing in life

I am 6'4 and I can't dunk, it's my single biggest failing in life. For someone who can't dunk and never plays basketball I spend a good chunk of my day imagining myself obliterating some stupid defender with a mean spirited rim wrecker. In my fantasies I never jump right at the rim, I want to have to extend on my dunks so I can snap that rim down with everything I have. It sounds like a shotgun blast. In my younger days I remember working on a loading dock with a big garage door, we used to raise the garage door to the standard NBA 10 foot mark and see if we could touch it. At my most athletic I was able to barely smack it with my fingers, in other words I could touch the rim but not actually dunk a ball over and through it. Sometimes I forget that I am white. I don't feel white, on the inside I am seriously Marvin Gaye or something.

On the outside I look like this:

On the inside I look like this:

So it's easy for me to forget how white I actually am, until I try to dunk a basketball. Being tall; asking if I can dunk is a pretty common question I hear from strangers. I should after all be able to, I am tall and fit (and I don't think most people think I am white as well, because I get really mad if they do). I can dunk on an 8 foot net; yes, but I should be able to Mosgov a bitch at that height.

But my legs have failed me, I failed me. I should be able to link you a video of me throwing down that dunk I made up in my head where I jump up into the air toward the basket and THEN throw the ball off the floor for a bounce pass alley-oop to myself. AFTER I jump. It would have been sick, they would have nicknamed me Spider-man but now no one calls me that. Women would find me more attractive if I could dunk, men would respect me. It would have changed everything. Now the best I can offer is a link to a video of my boy doing what I should be doing.

Terrence Ross for the 2013 Dunk Contest Please.

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