A story writing blog

Saturday, November 23, 2013

House Arrested: The Dick Pic - Part 3.



CONT'D...

OFFICER KARP
Andre I don't know why you're laughing like this doesn't effect you. Because of one of these three idiots this house is about to lose online access. 

The group is stunned to silence.

GORDON
(in his best Martin Lawrence voice)
Shit just got real.

ANDRE
What was that?

GORDON
No one gets that reference?

Wide shot of everyone. No one gets that reference, Gordon looks crushed.

OFFICER KARP
I am also going to recommend that we install security cameras in here.

CONRAD
This is bullshit!

OFFICER KARP
That's what happens when you go showing off your dick on the web Conrad.

CONRAD
I've never shown my dick on the web.

Officer Karp shoots him a look of pure skepticism.

  

CONRAD
I've never shown my dick on the web using THAT computer.  

CONT'D...

Sunday, November 17, 2013

This Post May Offend - House Arrested: The Dick Pic - Part 2

I am continuing to piece together a pilot episode for a show I want to develop about a bunch of guys under house arrest, I am tailoring this to be an internet series so I am being a lot more liberal in my use of language and subject matter. Sorry if it offends. This is pretty much stream of thought writing, I don't really have this story plotted out yet so I am just coming up with it on the fly. I know where I want to get to.



CONT'D...


OFFICER KARP
Well like it or not unless someone steps forward you're all going to have to drop your pants. Except for Andre and Jeremy.

BENJAMIN
So what; now Jeremy's out too?

OFFICER KARP
Jeremy's penis did not display the characteristics we're looking for. The picture has to belong to one of you three.

Andre laughs, he's enjoying this.

BENJAMIN
This is a witch hunt! 

GORDON 
What if I just tell you what my penis looks like, will that help clear my name?
I am about 7 inches long...

CONRAD
Bullshit! 

ANDRE
There's no way you're walking around with anything over 6 inches.

GORDON
Why; because I am white?

ANDRE
YES!

BENJAMIN
No, I am white and I am about seven inches.

CONRAD
Zero chance of that being true. Every guy says he's 7 inches if you ask him but do you know how many guys actually are? Only like a third of all guys.

BENJAMIN
And what are you?

CONRAD
7 inches. That's how I know you two are lying. 

ANDRE
All of you are lying.



CONT'D...




Thursday, November 14, 2013

A Script About a Bunch of Guys Under House Arrest...Being InvestigatedFor Lewd Picture Allegations...D**k Pics Basically


House Arrested: The show that takes place in a house where all the tenants are sociopathic criminals under house arrest being watched over by the stern Officer Karp. 

SCENE 1 - INT - KITCHEN TABLE

An officer is sitting at a kitchen table with 5 men, all of them have on blinking ankle monitors. Andre (a large black man), Conrad (Caucasian tall, tattooed), Gordon (Caucasian, glasses), Benjamin (Caucasian, typical guy next door look) and Jeremy (creepy, weird).

OFFICER KARP
Which one of you perverts posted a picture of your dick and balls in an adult chatroom yesterday?
No one speaks up.

OFFICER KARP
It's a violation of your parole, I am within my authority to have that person removed from this house and placed back into the provincial prison system. Somebody better step forward and save me an investigation. Benjamin?

BENJAMIN
What, I am your first suspect in a dick pic scandal? That sucks. 

OFFICER KARP
Your account is the only one I saw logged onto the house computer last night.

BENJAMIN
Yeah but I wasn't the only one using the computer, everyone kept stealing it. Conrad and Gordon stole it every time I went to the washroom and I when went to make myself a sandwich Andre sat down and started a movie on it.

ANDRE
Don't tattle.

 BENJAMIN
 You watched Braveheart Andre, it was 3 hours long. I was talking to my family.

OFFICER KARP
Where was Jeremy while all this was going on?

BENJAMIN

I don't know. He was skulking around sort of. In the background. I really try to keep as far from him as I can.


Jeremy doesn't react much, something is off in the way he stares at Benjamin. He doesn't say anything.

OFFICER KARP
 Conrad, do you have any idea where this picture might have come from?

Conrad is seated to the left of the frame, Andre is seated to the right on him followed by Benjamin and Jeremy. Andre is large in the frame, there's something off about Jeremy; there always is.

CONRAD
No but if the dick's black I can probably guess who's it is.

ANDRE
I know; right? It's not me, if it was me he'd know it was me and we wouldn't be having this meeting.

OFFICER KARP
Andre you can be excused from this meeting.

ANDRE
No I want to find out who did it.

GORDON
Why don't you let me see the picture and I'll tell you who's it is?

CONRAD
What the fuck Gordon?

ANDRE
How do you know what our dicks look like?

GORDON
It can't be that hard to tell our dicks apart. I feel like if I had to I could match a dick to it's face.

BENJAMIN
This conversation's getting a bit weird fellas.

OFFICER KARP
For the sake of the individual's privacy I won't be showing any of you the picture in question. Jeremy you're being awfully quiet. 

CONRAD
Don't ruin that.

ANDRE
Don't get Jeremy talking, we don't need him for this. 

OFFICER KARP
Jeremy?


Jeremy stands up and pulls his pants down, exposing himself.

OFFICER KARP
Jesus Jeremy, pull your pants up.

CONRAD
Stop involving him in things.

GORDON
It looked exactly how I thought it would.

CONT'D...


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Eureka!!!! Dick Pics.

I've had for a while now a great idea for an ongoing comedy series that takes place in a house where everyone who lives there is under house arrest. The show is about those men and their parole officer and I've been struggling to come up with a really good plot for the pilot episode. I want it to jump off with something that's funny, big and attention grabbing and now I've finally got it.

Episode 1:

Officer Karp calls a tenants meeting to let the prisoners know that one of them has violated house protocol by leaving a picture of his dick on the house's computer. He intends to find out who's dick it is. 

Its Shakespearian isn't it? I start tomorrow.