TOM WRITES HIS FIRST MOVIE: Broach the issue and go on a date.

 Been working on a movie script, it's my first one. One page at a time I am getting it done.

I collect it all here as I go:

http://tcqscripts.blogspot.ca/2014/12/i-am-not-weirdo.html

Here's today's entry:

EXT - Restaurant. 

Douglas and Abby are sitting down in a beautifully lit and lively little restaurant on the lake. The lights on the boats behind them make them look like fireflies on the water. A server brings their food, Abby has a light pasta dish, Douglas has a big halibut placed in front of him. The skin looks crispy the meat looks mouth watering, Douglas is almost in disbelief at how good it looks.

DOUGLAS
Oh god. Y'know what, I never take pictures of my food but this is too damn photogenic to not share.

Douglas snaps a pic with his phone.

DOUGLAS
Speaking of photogenic.

Douglas snaps a few pictures of Abby. The camera loves her smile. Her smile fades some.

 ABIGAIL
This is the you I like.

DOUGLAS
You've been so ominous lately. What's up?

ABIGAIL

I feel like I am still learning you.

DOUGLAS

Well...yeah. When you move in with someone you go through this re-discovery period, right? That's normal.

ABIGAIL

I know. 

DOUGLAS

So is it like...I am messy or...?

ABIGAIL

No! It's nothing like that...well, yes you are messy but I knew that when I asked you to move in. It's just...honestly, I found a note you wrote to yourself once. It looked like something you wrote to yourself  when you were feeling annoyed. It was angry, and it was weird to see because I never see that side of you.

DOUGLAS

What are you talking about? The angriest I ever get is when I am losing at video games and you see that all the time. What note?

ABIGAIL

I couldn't even tell you. I read a few lines of it and just crumpled it up and threw it out. It was so angry and violent. It scared me Douglas.

DOUGLAS

A note? Like a handwritten note?

ABIGAIL

Yes.

DOUGLAS

Abby the only handwritten notes I leave lying around would say like..."buy laundry detergent" or "dentist 12:30, Monday". I can't think of anything I'd write that would have freaked you out.

ABIGAIL

It's not just the note. Its other little things like moving my diary and finding this broken picture of me and my family that looked like it had been smashed and then put back on the shelf, and sometimes I here angry shouting...

DOUGLAS

I am a little floored right now. 

ABIGAIL

I didn't want to bring this up tonight. I am sorry.

DOUGLAS

I had no idea any of this was going on. Abby I didn't write any angry notes. I don't know what you saw but it wasn't from me, and I didn't know one of your pictures broke. I didn't do that either. The yelling...that could be me. I don't know. Video games.

ABIGAIL

That note was written on the paper we keep in the kitchen.

DOUGLAS

What? heh...

That one stumps Douglas, it's disturbing.

DOUGLAS

Well maybe your dad wrote it about me. I mean he hates me, any note he wrote about me would be angry and hate filled and scary. Right?

ABIGAIL

Not this kind of angry and it was just sitting out on the counter and he hasn't been here since we moved in. We would have noticed it before if was his.

DOUGLAS

I wish you kept the note and I wish you'd shown me the broken picture because then I could have probably could have proven right then and there that I had nothing to do with any of this.

ABIGAIL

I should have asked you about it but I wanted to just sweep it under the rug and forget about it.

DOUGLAS

I am sorry you saw something that freaked you out. That wasn't me.

Abigail smiles.

ABIGAIL

How about we both just forget it.

DOUGLAS

OH, I know just the thing for that.

Douglas motions for the waiter. The waiter comes over.

DOUGLAS

Can we see a wine menu please?

Again Abby smiles. The two settle in, the tension of the last few days starts to fade and two young lovers fall for each other all over again.

EXT - The Boardwalk

Abby and Douglas walk arm in arm along the beautiful boardwalk at night, the reflection of the moon dances off the water. The two are tipsy, giggling and holding each other tightly for stability as they stumble along.

ABIGAIL

You walk like a penguin.

DOUGLAS

Because you keep tripping me.

ABIGAIL

Lets swim home.

DOUGLAS

Uh-uh, I can't let you ruin your dress.

ABIGAIL

I'll take it off.

DOUGLAS

Ok lets swim.

Abigail grips Douglas by the shirt and pulls him in for a long kiss in the moonlight.

DOUGLAS

I love you Abby.

ABIGAIL

Take me home.

The two lovers kiss and then climb into a cab. Upon getting home their house is black, completely dark. They pair fumble to the door, finally getting it open. Douglas picks Abby up in his arms and carries her inside. The camera stays outside the house, the light in the window turning on just barely cuts through the black of the night.

Cont'd...

TOM WRITES A MOVIE: Add Tedium

I've been working on this script: 

http://tcqscripts.blogspot.ca/2014/12/i-am-not-weirdo.html 

I've written other scripts which you can see all over this blog but this is my first feature length script attempt. The idea is that I write a page a day (but who am I kidding), I blog each page as I go because this way I feel more of a push to actually do it. Its easier than staring at a word document. If no one ever reads this blog (as I expect) then it doesn't matter, at the end of this I'll have a movie script written. For the record, I have no idea what you do with a finished movie script, that's a later Thomas's problem. Here's today's page:

INT - DOUGLAS IS RUNNING UP SOME DARKLY LIT STAIRS

Douglas is racing up the dimly lit stairs leading to the basement, his face is red and turning purple. He makes it to the top of the stairs and bursts through the door. Loudly inhaling fresh oxygen the first chance he gets.

DOUGLAS

5 seconds! New record!

ABIGAILE

Omg close the door, you're letting the smell in here. 

Douglas kicks closed the basement door and drops the box on the floor. Abby opens the box and digs around inside, pulling out some old dolls.

ABIGAILE

Yay!

DOUGLAS

That's what you sent me down there to get?

ABIGAIL

I am thinking about putting some of these up on the shelf in the guest room. Just to jazz it up a little.

DOUGLAS

God help whoever stays in that guest room. 

ABIGAIL

What do you mean?

DOUGLAS

Those dolls are going to come alive and straight up murder whoever's in that room with them.

She hold up a stuffed rabbit.

ABIGAIL

Mr. Crayon isn't a murderer. 

 Douglas pulls out of the box a particularly creepy looking doll.

DOUGLAS

This one most certainly is.

ABIGAIL

That's Patty Pancakes and yeah, I wouldn't turn my back on her. 

DOUGLAS

What guests are we expecting anyway?

ABIGAIL

Your parents? When are they going to come see the place?

DOUGLAS

They'll fly out once we're more settled. Is your dad thinking of staying here.

ABIGAIL 

No way. Not with you living here.

DOUGLAS

Phewwww...

ABIGAIL

Bryce might spend a weekend down here this month.

DOUGLAS

With his girlfriend?

ABIGAIL

No girlfriend. You can invite Grant down.

DOUGLAS

Or we can go somewhere. We can get out of this house for a while, we've been cooped up. It's making us both crazy.

ABIGAIL

I want to but I can't take a whole weekend off.

DOUGLAS

One night then. Tonight.

ABIGALE

I want to get dressed up!

DOUGLAS
Ok, where do dressed up people go?

ABIGALE
There are so many nice places on the pier, we can go for a walk along the water after, it's so beautiful out.

DOUGLAS
Should I assume I can get REALLY good fish down by the pier?

ABIGALE
(excitedly)
Oh MY God!

DOUGLAS
Go get dressed up PrettyGirl.

Abby leans in and kisses Douglas before springing out of the room and up the stairs, he adorable enthusiasm brings a smile to his face. That smile disappears when he looks down to the doll he's holding, it's Patty Pancakes. Her corpselike eyes look back at him.

Cont'd...

TOM WRITES HIS FIRST MOVIE: Add Tension

I've been working on this script:

http://tcqscripts.blogspot.ca/2014/12/i-am-not-weirdo.html

I've written other scripts which you can see all over this blog but this is my first feature length script attempt. The idea is that I write a page a day (but who am I kidding), I blog each page as I go because this way I feel more of a push to actually do it. Its easier than staring at a word document. If no one ever reads this blog (as I expect) then it doesn't matter, at the end of this I'll have a movie script written. For the record, I have no idea what you do with a finished movie script, that's a later Thomas's problem.

This has nothing to do with the script but

god help whatever kid drew this. 

INT - DAYTIME - KITCHEN

A week has passed, the once scattered living room looks settled, the boxes are all put away. Douglas has settled in. His game system is hooked up in the living room, his belongings have woven their way into the house. This looks like a shared home.

There's a tension in the room, Douglas is sitting at the table, flipping through a magazine, Abigale is making herself a snack. Her back turned towards Douglas.

ABIGALE

I don't know why you can't just say you did it? It bothers me that you'd try to lie about it.

DOUGLAS

I didn't even know you had a diary until you accused me of this just now.

ABIGALE

How did it end up in the nightstand on your side of the bed?

DOUGLAS

I have a SIDE of the bed? I didn't know that. I just plop down wherever.

ABIGALE

STOP trying to be funny right now.

DOUGLAS

I am not. None of this makes sense, if I wanted to read your diary I wouldn't put it in some nightstand beside the bed. I'd put it back EXACTLY where I got it from.

ABIGALE

I am not even saying you read it. It just drives me nuts that you won't just admit you moved it. This didn't even need to become a fight.

DOUGLAS

Well then lets not make it one. Lets just say we have ghosts and forget about it. 

ABIGALE

Stop making me sound crazy. I write in my diary every night and I put it back in my dresser when I am finished.

Douglas sees something in her eyes and hears it in her voice, she's freaked out. She sounds like someone under a lot of stress.

DOUGLAS

One time I came home to work to find my TV remote in the fridge. Sometimes people put things in weird places and don't even notice. I am sorry I don't remember moving your diary, maybe I did. I definitely, 100% did not read it.

ABIGALE

I don't want to fight; Douglas. I just want to know that you're always telling me the truth.

DOUGLAS

I always am. Are you ok with me living here? You seem...frazzled.

ABIGALE

I feel frazzled. I just want this to work.

DOUGLAS

I want this to work.

ABIGAL

Then just tell me you moved my diary. 

Douglas looks at his woman and considers his answer for a second. Then takes one on the chin.

DOUGLAS

I moved  your diary.

Abigale looks at her man, there's doubt in her eyes.

...Cont'd

MONOLOGUE MONDAYS - A Guy Who Says He's A Vampire Get's Called A Poseur.

VAMPIRE WANNABE

Yeah fine, believe what you want to believe but I never said vampires couldn't go in the sunlight. I said we don't LIKE the sunlight. It's bad for our skin, I just make that noise and run away from it when we go outside because I just...I hate it that much. It's gross, *HISSSSSSSSSSSSS. This doesn't prove anything! Close those drapes and about that ice cream cone, that doesn't prove anything either. I never said I ONLY drink blood, I said I MOSTLY drink blood. You never see it because obviously I don't do it in front of you, when I am around you I drink beer, I eat cobb salad sometimes and YES I have some Oreos or a half-moon or a muffin at my desk but I drink human blood ALL the time when I am at home. So, you know what...forget about me drinking this blood you got me. Not because I don't love blood, obviously I love blood but I am not going to just drink this to prove a point to you. That's GROSS by the way, bringing me a vial of blood to drink. I said I was hungry for blood as a joke, I didn't think you'd pull some out of your pocket. I already drank a bunch of blood in the bathroom and just didn't tell you. I don't tell you every time I drink someone's blood, so get out of here with these allegations. I told you, I don't feel the need to prove myself. Back in my old town I used to have to turn into a bat all the time for people just to prove that I was a vampire, it was demeaning. That's why you've never seen me do it, I promised myself I'd only turn into a bat when no one's around. So f**k off with this judgement Stephanie! 

-END-

Tom's Rom-Com

To follow along with this story you can either scroll down a couple entries and read parts 1 and 2 or click HERE.

Con'd... 

 

Andy's sits up on the couch and picks up his phone. The light of the screen softly illuminates his face against the dark of the room. Andy takes a closer look at Cassie's profile, he glances through her profile and smiles. He flips through her pictures and smiles even harder. He looks at her message.

CASSIE

(text)

Hey. I am Cassie how are you?

NARRATOR/ANDY: This chick has to be fake, right? Beautiful women aren't sitting around on a Saturday night messaging strangers are they? They're supposed to be out, having strangers buy them drinks and throw themselves at them all night. I am being catfished, I know it. I shouldn't even bother responding...on the other hand those pictures...

ANDY

(text)

I am good, I am just chilling with friends. What about you?

CASSIE

(text)

I am just watching a movie right now with my friend. I was supposed to go to a club but we decided not to. Thank god!

ANDY

(text)

Why?

CASSIE

(text)

I hate clubs :)

NARRATOR/ANDY: Marry me. 

ANDY

(text)

Marry me.

CASSIE

(text)

Haha. K. 

ANDY

(text)

What are you watching?

CASSIE

(text)

Archer. Have you seen it?

NARRATOR/ANDY: Oh my god, I love her already. If this girl ends up being some dude then I am going to kill him.

ANDY

(text)

Love it!

Cassie?

CASSIE

(text)

What?

ANDY

CASSSSIE?

CASSIE

(text)

:) What???

ANDY

(text)

CASSSSSSSSSSSSSIEEEEEEEEE???

CASSIE

(text)

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

ANDY

(text)

Danger zoneeeee.

CASSIE

(text)

HAHAHA OMG. LOL. YES!

NARRATOR/ANDY: Yeahhhhh, you kind of had to watch Archer to get that one but trust me, it was funny. AND SHE GOT IT! I made a dorky, obscure reference to an episode she may or may not have seen and she actually got it. She LOL'd. 

CASSIE

(text)

Haha. I don't want to keep you from your friends so I'll let you go. I just wanted to say hi.

Talk later? 

ANDY

(text)

Definitely

The phone fades back to black and the room falls dark again, Andy is alone and it's quiet. The soft light of the room just illuminates enough of Andy's face to see that the smile on his face still hasn't faded as he falls back to the couch.

Cont'd

 

-APE-

Tom Starts Writing A Romantic Comedy Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...Now.

Well this is a change of pace for me. It's been a while since I've posted and I believe the article directly below this one involves a picture of me having my guts cut out. Correct? Alright, well regardless; I am starting my romantic comedy. I am going to try to write a full length feature script and I'll be plowing through my first draft on this blog. I am not really prepping, and a lot of this will be me just winging it on the fly so I am not going to worry about character descriptions or synopsis just yet. These characters are however you envision them in your head as you read this. Let go. 

NARRATOR/ANDY: We had only been dating for about a week when I knew...

Andy and Cassie are walking through a park, Cassie is munching on a bag of popcorn. Each time filling her little hands with more than they can hold. Her beautiful blonde hair sparkles in the sun, Andy steals every look at her that he can. He likes looking at her, she stands about a half foot shorter than him and every time she looks up at him with her big brown eyes he feels himself slipping. He's really falling for this girl.

NARRATOR/ANDY: I feel like that's the best place to start, there's no interesting story about how we met. We found each other online and hit it off. To this day I can't believe she actually turned out to be real. I went into that first date positive that I was getting catfished by some dickhead, I almost called it off actually. The only reason I decided to take a chance and see it through was because "OH MY GOD! Her pictures". 

The couple walks along a pretty pathway on this sunny day, a flock of birds fills the skies around them.

ANDY

If any of these birds tries to poop on you I'll be ready. I'll push you out of the way.

CASSIE

(laughs)

DON'T. You'll spill my popcorn.

They're not going to poo on us.

ANDY

(big smile on his face)

I've seen it happen.

CASSIE

Oh my god. Really?

ANDY

I was with my friend, he just bought a sub and we were walking back to his car. From behind me I just hear "FUUUUUUUUUCK!", I turned around and he was covered in bird shit. It went all over his neck, his shirt, his arm, his sandwich...

Cassie laughs, then her eyebrows wrinkles a little. There's confusion on her face, this girl's thought of something.

CASSIE

Why do they call them subs?

ANDY

It's short for submarine sandwich.

CASSIE

I know that. Why are they called that though?

Andy thinks about it for what seems like way too long.

ANDY

That's one of the best questions I've ever been asked. I honestly don't know. I'd have to look it up.

CASSIE

I know what it's going to say, its going to say its because of it's shape. Like it looks like a sub, but...I mean it doesn't.

ANDY

No. It just looks like a long sandwich.

Cassie again laughs, it's actually adorable. This time she spills out a good bit of her popcorn and when she does the birds descend on it. The pair quickly find themselves surrounded by a flock of frantic, flapping, noisy birds all scrambling to get a nibble of the fallen kernels. Andy goes to make a move.

ANDY

Here, take my hand...I am going to...

CASSIE

It's okay.

Cassie elegantly reaches into her bag of popcorn and flings a handful into the grass a few feet behind them, all the birds take after it and leave the pair alone. They continue their walk however Andy seems almost speechless, he's been left in amazement. 

NARRATOR/ANDY: What she just did right there was the single smartest thing I've ever seen anyone do. It was such a perfect display of practical intelligence; she left me in awe. Seriously. Do you know what my plan was? I was going to sort of shuffle my feet along the ground so I wouldn't step on any of the birds but I would be able to kick them out of the way until we were clear. That was what my idiot man-brain came up with, this girl's a keeper.

That was the exact moment I realized I loved my wife.

Cont'd...

-APE-

Blood and Guts. Tom Gets Eviscerated.

Here's a sentence I never thought I'd get to say using the proper, literal definition of each word.

This is a picture of my friend Anthony eviscerating me.

e·vis·cer·ate

verb (used with object), e·vis·cer·at·ed, e·vis·cer·at·ing. 1. to remove the entrails from; disembowel:

Source:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OBszPLJDVA

Really ruined those pants...

Chocolate Chip Spider

Here's a script I wrote a while ago about three roommates trying to decide if a something is a spider or a chocolate chip.

Script - the Spider
 
Scene: RICK is sitting on the couch shouting to CHRIS who has locked himself in the other room.

RICK
Ok, it’s probably gone now

CHRIS
Did you see it leave? Why didn’t you kill it?

RICK
I never kill spiders

CHRIS
Well from now on I want you to ALWAYS kill spiders

RICK
I don’t know why you’re so scared of a little thing like that, it’s not like we have tarantulas here.

CHRIS
I am not scared of spiders, I just hate them. They make me so mad I scream.

RICK
And run away, and hide.

CHRIS
I go to my room to cool off because I am mad, I HATE that spider

RICK
What spider? I don’t even see anything

CHRIS COMES STORMING OUT OF HIS ROOM

CHRIS
It’s right THERE

CHRIS POINTS TO A BLACK SPOT ON THE TABLE, CHRIS KEEPS A SAFE DISTANCE FROM THE MYSTERY SPOT

RICK
That’s a chocolate chip


CHRIS
That’s a spider, I can see it’s legs

RICK
Those are hairs, or mold or something. HAROLD YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE CLEANING THIS PLACE!

HAROLD APPEARS

HAROLD
I was just in the other room reading

CHRIS
You’re a liar. HAROLD I want to you to do a complete sweep of this house for spiders.

RICK
And I want you to clean up this chocolate chip and tell me if it’s a spider.

HAROLD GOES OVER TO THE DARK SPOT AND PICKS IT UP AND PUTS IT IN HIS MOUTH ALL IN ONE MOTION

CHRIS
You’re a pig, you’re a disgusting pig….well tell us what it was you pig. Was it a spider or a chocolate chip?

HAROLD
Kind hard to tell (HAROLD is wearing a face on him that almost looks like he just bit into a lemon, tears and all). How is a spider supposed to taste?

RICK
Not chocolaty

HAROLD
Probably a spider then

 

-APE-

This Is Real. I Did This and Not To Be Funny.

Is a single man with little long term relationship experience qualified to write a romantic comedy about falling in love? Yes and you can consider this my resume.

 and last impression.

Consider that a free taste.

Romantic Comedies. Why I Hate Them And Why I Am Going To Write One.

At exactly what point did Hollywood decide that all characters in romantic comedies should live like the Rich Kids of Instagram? Super trendy, young professionals with lavish lifestyles and lots of free time. Y'know the rest of us go on dates too don't you Hollywood? The average person. I know you like to tell us that we love the fantasy that you present, we're supposed to get lost in the escape of it all. When I see Anna Faris and Chris Evans playing a game of strip H.O.R.S.E in the middle of Madison Square Garden I am supposed to giggle about what a cute, sexy date that would be rather than sneer at the TV screen for showing me something so stupid.

...I'll forgive it this time.

MSG's kind of an important arena, they don't just leave it unattended, and a bouncing basketball in an empty arena is pretty damn loud. Did they pay off security to look the other way? Do they have the kind of clout where they can just walk onto the most famous court in the world and drop their pants? I am telling you right now I can't do that. No arena in the world will let me take girls onto their courts to mess around with, they make that very clear by how many people they employ to keep me out.

I rage watch all romantic comedies, they really bother me. Of all the one's I've seen I think 'Friends With Benefits' did the most damage to my coffee table. Justin Timberlake played a 25 year old guy who started up his own very successful media company who's being recruited by a huge firm that wants to hand him the keys to their media division and a six figure salary. Justin's always being told how talented he is throughout the whole movie, frequently by Mila Kunis. His f**k buddy. She's not the trampy kind of f**k buddy either, she's a beautiful 23 year old executive assistant in charge of talent aquisition who makes her own schedule and has 24 hour access to the company limo and all the city's most exclusive clubs. Just like you and me. You know what's really annoying? It's never enough for this guy. He's never happy. He's always conflicted about his beautiful life full of riches, admiration, success and casual sex.

shut the f**k up, crybaby. 

Enough is enough, I can do better than that. I can write a romantic comedy that doesn't need eye popping first dates to get my love story across. I'll write about how real people actually date and fall in love. I've been feeling pent up lately, badly looking for a new project to start writing and this idea will finally let me tackle my first full length script so I am going all in on this. I intend to write a romantic comedy script, posting my progress on my blog with frequent updates. That's what I am going to be working on for a while. My characters won't have long tearful monologues about their feelings because that almost never happens in real life, they'll actually have regular jobs and regular boring lives. They'll have to fall in love because of how they click as people without the cheat of being impossibly beautiful and successful. The friends of the male character won't be a mix of playboys who want to keep him single and married guys who try to sell him on the beauty of relationships. The female characters won't just stand around waiting to be swept off their feet and they won't be fiercely independent to the point where it just comes across as snotty and annoying.

I've written a script about prisoners under house arrest being investigated for posting d**k pics online.

A show where a bunch of government employed ghostbusters take on ghosts, vampires and zombies.

A bloody, violent superhero short.

And a lost at sea horror about a girl alone, adrift at sea being stalked by an underwater monster.

A sweet, funny romantic comedy is the next logical step for me. 

-APE-   

Thomas actually did try writing some relationshipy dialogue a couple times before:

http://apeday.blogspot.ca/2013/04/lets-try-writing-some-relationshipy.html

http://apeday.blogspot.ca/2013/05/toms-still-writing-romantic-comedy.html

I shall call this 'Jackie Chan Facing', it is the most important thing that I've ever done.