Tom Starts Writing A Romantic Comedy Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...Now.

Well this is a change of pace for me. It's been a while since I've posted and I believe the article directly below this one involves a picture of me having my guts cut out. Correct? Alright, well regardless; I am starting my romantic comedy. I am going to try to write a full length feature script and I'll be plowing through my first draft on this blog. I am not really prepping, and a lot of this will be me just winging it on the fly so I am not going to worry about character descriptions or synopsis just yet. These characters are however you envision them in your head as you read this. Let go. 

NARRATOR/ANDY: We had only been dating for about a week when I knew...

Andy and Cassie are walking through a park, Cassie is munching on a bag of popcorn. Each time filling her little hands with more than they can hold. Her beautiful blonde hair sparkles in the sun, Andy steals every look at her that he can. He likes looking at her, she stands about a half foot shorter than him and every time she looks up at him with her big brown eyes he feels himself slipping. He's really falling for this girl.

NARRATOR/ANDY: I feel like that's the best place to start, there's no interesting story about how we met. We found each other online and hit it off. To this day I can't believe she actually turned out to be real. I went into that first date positive that I was getting catfished by some dickhead, I almost called it off actually. The only reason I decided to take a chance and see it through was because "OH MY GOD! Her pictures". 

The couple walks along a pretty pathway on this sunny day, a flock of birds fills the skies around them.

ANDY

If any of these birds tries to poop on you I'll be ready. I'll push you out of the way.

CASSIE

(laughs)

DON'T. You'll spill my popcorn.

They're not going to poo on us.

ANDY

(big smile on his face)

I've seen it happen.

CASSIE

Oh my god. Really?

ANDY

I was with my friend, he just bought a sub and we were walking back to his car. From behind me I just hear "FUUUUUUUUUCK!", I turned around and he was covered in bird shit. It went all over his neck, his shirt, his arm, his sandwich...

Cassie laughs, then her eyebrows wrinkles a little. There's confusion on her face, this girl's thought of something.

CASSIE

Why do they call them subs?

ANDY

It's short for submarine sandwich.

CASSIE

I know that. Why are they called that though?

Andy thinks about it for what seems like way too long.

ANDY

That's one of the best questions I've ever been asked. I honestly don't know. I'd have to look it up.

CASSIE

I know what it's going to say, its going to say its because of it's shape. Like it looks like a sub, but...I mean it doesn't.

ANDY

No. It just looks like a long sandwich.

Cassie again laughs, it's actually adorable. This time she spills out a good bit of her popcorn and when she does the birds descend on it. The pair quickly find themselves surrounded by a flock of frantic, flapping, noisy birds all scrambling to get a nibble of the fallen kernels. Andy goes to make a move.

ANDY

Here, take my hand...I am going to...

CASSIE

It's okay.

Cassie elegantly reaches into her bag of popcorn and flings a handful into the grass a few feet behind them, all the birds take after it and leave the pair alone. They continue their walk however Andy seems almost speechless, he's been left in amazement. 

NARRATOR/ANDY: What she just did right there was the single smartest thing I've ever seen anyone do. It was such a perfect display of practical intelligence; she left me in awe. Seriously. Do you know what my plan was? I was going to sort of shuffle my feet along the ground so I wouldn't step on any of the birds but I would be able to kick them out of the way until we were clear. That was what my idiot man-brain came up with, this girl's a keeper.

That was the exact moment I realized I loved my wife.

Cont'd...

-APE-

Let's try writing some relationshipy dialogue for the first time in my life

So, I am writing a Romantic Comedy. I decided that and now I am doing it. I've never really tried anything like it either, I've done a lot of writing but I've never tried anything romantic or about relationships in general. I am just going to dive right in somewhere in the middle to a crucial point in the script and see if I can knock out some decent dialogue. For inspiration here's a picture of the girl I love the most in this world.

To recap, here's the movie synopsis:

Brandon is madly in love with his girlfriend Mika and is finally invited to meet her friends, he hopes he can win them over because he knows how much they mean to her. He can't. At the diner party he clashes with every single one of them, by then end of the night Brandon can honestly say he genuinely hates every single one of them and he knows the feeling is mutual. Mika's friends mean the world to her and Brandon feels a distance growing between them as she's forced to constantly choose between her boyfriend and her friends. Brandon decides to right his wrong by winning over the affections of a group of people he absolutely can't stand, who absolutely can't stand him.

Here I go.

Mika
Do you hate my friends?

Brandon is caught off guard

Brandon
I don't "hate" your friends. I fundamentally disagree with Stephanie, and her views and who she is as a person but I don't hate her, or wish harm upon her. Emilio and I don't really see eye to eye on a lot of things, like getting drunk and harassing people and hiding their shoes. Does that mean I hate him? I actually do; now that we're talking about it. I hate Emilio, I'll admit that. He ruined my shoes. I don't think Adam's funny and if he's got a problem with that; I don't care. Divine's a bit much, she's kind of loud and she says her own name a lot but I can look past that. She's named Divine, if I had a name like that I'd say it all the time too.

Mika

That's not her real name.

Brandon's disgusted

Brandon

Are you serious? Why is she calling herself Divine all the time?

Mika

She chose that name. Her real name is Michelle.

Brandon
I am going to start calling her Shaq, he made up all sort of names for himself too. You can't just give yourself a name. That's annoying.

Mika

Brandon I don't like this. They're my FRIENDS! Do you think I am so stupid that I can't chose my own friends. I don't give a shit what you think about them, you don't know them like I do. Stephanie has had my back everyday of my life since we were in high school together. She beat up the girls that were mean to me. Say what you want about Emilio but he's successful and I respect him, he's the reason my career took off. He's helped me so much and never asked for anything back from me. Adam is funny, you just don't like to laugh and Divine might give too much advice but that's just because she's ALWAYS trying to help people. These are my friends, they help me, the love me.

Brandon

So do I.

Mika

I know but I am not going to chose between my friends and my boyfriend because it's not fair Brandon.

Mika's in tears. Poor girl. Brandon's never felt this low in his life, she's his heart and he hurt her so badly. He did it just by being himself too.

Mika

I am going to Stephanie's for the night. 

Brandon

Mika..

Mika

Don't. Brandon I just want to spend a night with my friend. 

She walks away.

Mika

Do us all a favor and don't call me or try to come by because we all know you're not wanted there. 

She leaves, Brandon is driving the the thing in his life that makes him the happiest away from him and he's going to have to fight to win her back.


** Not so tough. That flowed out pretty easily actually **

Thomas Holler is a writer working out of Toronto, and can be contacted at apescripts@gmail.com