TOM WRITES HIS FIRST MOVIE: Broach the issue and go on a date.

 Been working on a movie script, it's my first one. One page at a time I am getting it done.

I collect it all here as I go:

http://tcqscripts.blogspot.ca/2014/12/i-am-not-weirdo.html

Here's today's entry:

EXT - Restaurant. 

Douglas and Abby are sitting down in a beautifully lit and lively little restaurant on the lake. The lights on the boats behind them make them look like fireflies on the water. A server brings their food, Abby has a light pasta dish, Douglas has a big halibut placed in front of him. The skin looks crispy the meat looks mouth watering, Douglas is almost in disbelief at how good it looks.

DOUGLAS
Oh god. Y'know what, I never take pictures of my food but this is too damn photogenic to not share.

Douglas snaps a pic with his phone.

DOUGLAS
Speaking of photogenic.

Douglas snaps a few pictures of Abby. The camera loves her smile. Her smile fades some.

 ABIGAIL
This is the you I like.

DOUGLAS
You've been so ominous lately. What's up?

ABIGAIL

I feel like I am still learning you.

DOUGLAS

Well...yeah. When you move in with someone you go through this re-discovery period, right? That's normal.

ABIGAIL

I know. 

DOUGLAS

So is it like...I am messy or...?

ABIGAIL

No! It's nothing like that...well, yes you are messy but I knew that when I asked you to move in. It's just...honestly, I found a note you wrote to yourself once. It looked like something you wrote to yourself  when you were feeling annoyed. It was angry, and it was weird to see because I never see that side of you.

DOUGLAS

What are you talking about? The angriest I ever get is when I am losing at video games and you see that all the time. What note?

ABIGAIL

I couldn't even tell you. I read a few lines of it and just crumpled it up and threw it out. It was so angry and violent. It scared me Douglas.

DOUGLAS

A note? Like a handwritten note?

ABIGAIL

Yes.

DOUGLAS

Abby the only handwritten notes I leave lying around would say like..."buy laundry detergent" or "dentist 12:30, Monday". I can't think of anything I'd write that would have freaked you out.

ABIGAIL

It's not just the note. Its other little things like moving my diary and finding this broken picture of me and my family that looked like it had been smashed and then put back on the shelf, and sometimes I here angry shouting...

DOUGLAS

I am a little floored right now. 

ABIGAIL

I didn't want to bring this up tonight. I am sorry.

DOUGLAS

I had no idea any of this was going on. Abby I didn't write any angry notes. I don't know what you saw but it wasn't from me, and I didn't know one of your pictures broke. I didn't do that either. The yelling...that could be me. I don't know. Video games.

ABIGAIL

That note was written on the paper we keep in the kitchen.

DOUGLAS

What? heh...

That one stumps Douglas, it's disturbing.

DOUGLAS

Well maybe your dad wrote it about me. I mean he hates me, any note he wrote about me would be angry and hate filled and scary. Right?

ABIGAIL

Not this kind of angry and it was just sitting out on the counter and he hasn't been here since we moved in. We would have noticed it before if was his.

DOUGLAS

I wish you kept the note and I wish you'd shown me the broken picture because then I could have probably could have proven right then and there that I had nothing to do with any of this.

ABIGAIL

I should have asked you about it but I wanted to just sweep it under the rug and forget about it.

DOUGLAS

I am sorry you saw something that freaked you out. That wasn't me.

Abigail smiles.

ABIGAIL

How about we both just forget it.

DOUGLAS

OH, I know just the thing for that.

Douglas motions for the waiter. The waiter comes over.

DOUGLAS

Can we see a wine menu please?

Again Abby smiles. The two settle in, the tension of the last few days starts to fade and two young lovers fall for each other all over again.

EXT - The Boardwalk

Abby and Douglas walk arm in arm along the beautiful boardwalk at night, the reflection of the moon dances off the water. The two are tipsy, giggling and holding each other tightly for stability as they stumble along.

ABIGAIL

You walk like a penguin.

DOUGLAS

Because you keep tripping me.

ABIGAIL

Lets swim home.

DOUGLAS

Uh-uh, I can't let you ruin your dress.

ABIGAIL

I'll take it off.

DOUGLAS

Ok lets swim.

Abigail grips Douglas by the shirt and pulls him in for a long kiss in the moonlight.

DOUGLAS

I love you Abby.

ABIGAIL

Take me home.

The two lovers kiss and then climb into a cab. Upon getting home their house is black, completely dark. They pair fumble to the door, finally getting it open. Douglas picks Abby up in his arms and carries her inside. The camera stays outside the house, the light in the window turning on just barely cuts through the black of the night.

Cont'd...

Tom Persists

I am back on this romantic comedy idea. I know I need to write a feature length movie script, its a goal of mine to write several movie scripts so I should probably get started on it.

Instead of staring at a blank computer screen I decided to plot it out by hand using my only table and sticky pads. I have act one sort of plotted out, I am trying to get at least a rough plot breakdown finished this week because I really need that table back. I spilled soup on my stomach earlier today, a direct result of not having a usable table.

Here's a one sentance tagline for my romantic comedy idea: What exactly are we calling 'internet stalking' these days?

REVISIT: The Time I Wrote A Horror Movie About Being Lost At Sea And Stalked By A Seamonster.

 

I used this blog to write a short horror movie once, I say "short" because the script is less than 20 pages but I swear to god when I read it back it's a feature length film in my head.

It was a slow burning creepy sea monster movie, relying on the vulnerability and horror of being alone at sea for much of the terror. This is the story of poor Darcy who's beautiful husband Cade takes on a honeymoon sail around the world. It was meant to be their first adventure together, it was their last. Cade disappears at sea, leaving Darcy all alone. Stalked by something in the water.

"The disbelief hits her, it only took a few panicked seconds for her to search the small boat and he's nowhere to be found. She runs out onto the bow, her head spinning. He has to be in the water, he HAS to be in the water. She screams out again and again at the top of her lungs until her throat is coarse. 

Darcy

CAAAAAADE!

Silence. Darcy is frozen where she stands, silently begging Cade to show himself. She runs over to the radio; it's been destroyed by the storm. She goes back into the boat and tears it apart, looking for anything but finding nothing, no sign of where Cade went. She cries and screams until finally passing out from the stress."

http://tcqscripts.blogspot.com/2013/07/lurking-everything-right-up-until-post.html

MONOLOGUE MONDAYS - A Guy Who Says He's A Vampire Get's Called A Poseur.

VAMPIRE WANNABE

Yeah fine, believe what you want to believe but I never said vampires couldn't go in the sunlight. I said we don't LIKE the sunlight. It's bad for our skin, I just make that noise and run away from it when we go outside because I just...I hate it that much. It's gross, *HISSSSSSSSSSSSS. This doesn't prove anything! Close those drapes and about that ice cream cone, that doesn't prove anything either. I never said I ONLY drink blood, I said I MOSTLY drink blood. You never see it because obviously I don't do it in front of you, when I am around you I drink beer, I eat cobb salad sometimes and YES I have some Oreos or a half-moon or a muffin at my desk but I drink human blood ALL the time when I am at home. So, you know what...forget about me drinking this blood you got me. Not because I don't love blood, obviously I love blood but I am not going to just drink this to prove a point to you. That's GROSS by the way, bringing me a vial of blood to drink. I said I was hungry for blood as a joke, I didn't think you'd pull some out of your pocket. I already drank a bunch of blood in the bathroom and just didn't tell you. I don't tell you every time I drink someone's blood, so get out of here with these allegations. I told you, I don't feel the need to prove myself. Back in my old town I used to have to turn into a bat all the time for people just to prove that I was a vampire, it was demeaning. That's why you've never seen me do it, I promised myself I'd only turn into a bat when no one's around. So f**k off with this judgement Stephanie! 

-END-

I am Just Going To Level With You...

 I hate the romcom I am writing, it's not working. Having the characters meet online seemed like a good idea because that's how everyone meets these days but the way it's playing out on paper won't work on screen. I don't even know where I am going with it and I am not motivated to see this story's finish. If I am struggling to come on here and write (and I am, mightily) that that to me is a very clear indication that this story isn't worth writing. Everything good that I've ever written has poured out of my head and onto the page fluidly, with almost no effort. I never felt like I had to turn the bottle upside down and bang on it to get the words to come out but that's how I feel right now. I am scrapping this script, I know I can do better. I need to find a story that writes itself, I want to be excited about what I am working on.

Tom WILL write a romantic comedy, he just needs to come up with one first.

In the meantime, here's a real life text I got that's funnier than anything I've come up with so far.

Tom's Writing A Romantic Something

I was going to spice up this page with a drawing of a guy sitting on the couch just like I describe in this post but as it turns out drawing is hard. I suck at it, I can't make anything look like anything. I can't even draw cartoon faces well. Anyway, back to my story.

"LIFE BEFORE CASSIE"

Andy is sitting alone on the couch of a sparsely decorated apartment, one leg flung over the back of the couch, one stretched out over top of the coffee table. He's laying back like a gross shlub and watching TMZ. Outside his window you can hear the sounds of laughter and fun, more sociable people having a night out with friends. Andy stares unmoving at the screen.

NARRATOR/ANDY: How gross is it that this is how I spent most Saturday nights? How gross is it that this is how I WANTED to spend my Saturday nights?

Andy's phone buzzes, someone's calling him. He lets it ring for a while before finally giving in and answering it. The sounds of music and muffled shouting burst through the earpiece.

ANDY

Yo.

ANDY

What?

ANDY

What?

ANDY

Why where are you?

ANDY

What club?

Andy's eyebrows furl.

ANDY

Uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I don't think

I can make it. I am busy right now.

ANDY

No I can't, I am just heading out to meet mt friend. 

ANDY

NO!

ANDY

Well I'll tell you what, I have to run and meet my friend right now but I'll ask him if he wants to go. It depends on what he says. I gotta go.

ANDY

I gotta GO! I am getting onto the elevator, I gotta go.

Andy hangs up the phone and lays back down on the couch. 

NARRATOR/ANDY: The thing about falling into a rut is that you don't "fall" into them, you go willingly. You settle into a rut and make yourself comfortable, the sick part is that you don't mind it. You can sense life zipping past you but you can't seem to care until you finally see something you want bad enough to chase after it.

Andy's phone buzzes again, he glances at his phone. His eye's perk up slightly.

"New Tinder match"

Andy opens the app and see's Cassie. She's cute. Andy quickly types out a hello message, something simple. He lays back down and forgets about it, not expecting a response.

His phone buzzes again.

"Cassie sent you a new message"

NARRATOR/ANDY: Enter Cassie. My Roadrunner.

Cont'd...

So one again, I am pretty much directionless as I write this, I'll figure out what this is or where it's going along the way. 

-APE-

Blood and Guts. Tom Gets Eviscerated.

Here's a sentence I never thought I'd get to say using the proper, literal definition of each word.

This is a picture of my friend Anthony eviscerating me.

e·vis·cer·ate

verb (used with object), e·vis·cer·at·ed, e·vis·cer·at·ing. 1. to remove the entrails from; disembowel:

Source:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OBszPLJDVA

Really ruined those pants...

Jason Met Leatherface Once and It Was Adorable.

The above pic is from a comic series called Jason vs Leatherface. At the end of the first issue Jason is invited to have dinner with the family (the meal consisting of people that they killed) and they ask Jason his name. His response was to dip his hand in a cup of blood and write his name on the wall in a childlike font that will bring a smile to your face. So precious. 

Chocolate Chip Spider

Here's a script I wrote a while ago about three roommates trying to decide if a something is a spider or a chocolate chip.

Script - the Spider
 
Scene: RICK is sitting on the couch shouting to CHRIS who has locked himself in the other room.

RICK
Ok, it’s probably gone now

CHRIS
Did you see it leave? Why didn’t you kill it?

RICK
I never kill spiders

CHRIS
Well from now on I want you to ALWAYS kill spiders

RICK
I don’t know why you’re so scared of a little thing like that, it’s not like we have tarantulas here.

CHRIS
I am not scared of spiders, I just hate them. They make me so mad I scream.

RICK
And run away, and hide.

CHRIS
I go to my room to cool off because I am mad, I HATE that spider

RICK
What spider? I don’t even see anything

CHRIS COMES STORMING OUT OF HIS ROOM

CHRIS
It’s right THERE

CHRIS POINTS TO A BLACK SPOT ON THE TABLE, CHRIS KEEPS A SAFE DISTANCE FROM THE MYSTERY SPOT

RICK
That’s a chocolate chip


CHRIS
That’s a spider, I can see it’s legs

RICK
Those are hairs, or mold or something. HAROLD YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE CLEANING THIS PLACE!

HAROLD APPEARS

HAROLD
I was just in the other room reading

CHRIS
You’re a liar. HAROLD I want to you to do a complete sweep of this house for spiders.

RICK
And I want you to clean up this chocolate chip and tell me if it’s a spider.

HAROLD GOES OVER TO THE DARK SPOT AND PICKS IT UP AND PUTS IT IN HIS MOUTH ALL IN ONE MOTION

CHRIS
You’re a pig, you’re a disgusting pig….well tell us what it was you pig. Was it a spider or a chocolate chip?

HAROLD
Kind hard to tell (HAROLD is wearing a face on him that almost looks like he just bit into a lemon, tears and all). How is a spider supposed to taste?

RICK
Not chocolaty

HAROLD
Probably a spider then

 

-APE-

This Is Real. I Did This and Not To Be Funny.

Is a single man with little long term relationship experience qualified to write a romantic comedy about falling in love? Yes and you can consider this my resume.

 and last impression.

Consider that a free taste.

Romantic Comedies. Why I Hate Them And Why I Am Going To Write One.

At exactly what point did Hollywood decide that all characters in romantic comedies should live like the Rich Kids of Instagram? Super trendy, young professionals with lavish lifestyles and lots of free time. Y'know the rest of us go on dates too don't you Hollywood? The average person. I know you like to tell us that we love the fantasy that you present, we're supposed to get lost in the escape of it all. When I see Anna Faris and Chris Evans playing a game of strip H.O.R.S.E in the middle of Madison Square Garden I am supposed to giggle about what a cute, sexy date that would be rather than sneer at the TV screen for showing me something so stupid.

...I'll forgive it this time.

MSG's kind of an important arena, they don't just leave it unattended, and a bouncing basketball in an empty arena is pretty damn loud. Did they pay off security to look the other way? Do they have the kind of clout where they can just walk onto the most famous court in the world and drop their pants? I am telling you right now I can't do that. No arena in the world will let me take girls onto their courts to mess around with, they make that very clear by how many people they employ to keep me out.

I rage watch all romantic comedies, they really bother me. Of all the one's I've seen I think 'Friends With Benefits' did the most damage to my coffee table. Justin Timberlake played a 25 year old guy who started up his own very successful media company who's being recruited by a huge firm that wants to hand him the keys to their media division and a six figure salary. Justin's always being told how talented he is throughout the whole movie, frequently by Mila Kunis. His f**k buddy. She's not the trampy kind of f**k buddy either, she's a beautiful 23 year old executive assistant in charge of talent aquisition who makes her own schedule and has 24 hour access to the company limo and all the city's most exclusive clubs. Just like you and me. You know what's really annoying? It's never enough for this guy. He's never happy. He's always conflicted about his beautiful life full of riches, admiration, success and casual sex.

shut the f**k up, crybaby. 

Enough is enough, I can do better than that. I can write a romantic comedy that doesn't need eye popping first dates to get my love story across. I'll write about how real people actually date and fall in love. I've been feeling pent up lately, badly looking for a new project to start writing and this idea will finally let me tackle my first full length script so I am going all in on this. I intend to write a romantic comedy script, posting my progress on my blog with frequent updates. That's what I am going to be working on for a while. My characters won't have long tearful monologues about their feelings because that almost never happens in real life, they'll actually have regular jobs and regular boring lives. They'll have to fall in love because of how they click as people without the cheat of being impossibly beautiful and successful. The friends of the male character won't be a mix of playboys who want to keep him single and married guys who try to sell him on the beauty of relationships. The female characters won't just stand around waiting to be swept off their feet and they won't be fiercely independent to the point where it just comes across as snotty and annoying.

I've written a script about prisoners under house arrest being investigated for posting d**k pics online.

A show where a bunch of government employed ghostbusters take on ghosts, vampires and zombies.

A bloody, violent superhero short.

And a lost at sea horror about a girl alone, adrift at sea being stalked by an underwater monster.

A sweet, funny romantic comedy is the next logical step for me. 

-APE-   

Thomas actually did try writing some relationshipy dialogue a couple times before:

http://apeday.blogspot.ca/2013/04/lets-try-writing-some-relationshipy.html

http://apeday.blogspot.ca/2013/05/toms-still-writing-romantic-comedy.html

Did I mention I was Canadian?

Cats or Komodo Dragons - Which Is The Better Housepet

CONT'D...

Previously

INT-Kitchen

Andre comes running into the kitchen.

ANDRE

Call the exterminator!

JEREMY

We don't need an exterminator for one mouse; just put some cheese down for it and it'll leave you alone.

ANDRE

What do you mean "leave me alone"?

JEREMY

I'll take care of it. I'll just leave some cheese out tonight.

ANDRE

And?

JEREMY

And he won't bother us. He just wants cheese.

ANDRE

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

GORDON

Jeremy do you think we're worried that we won't be able to like...live harmoniously with the mouse? 

JEREMY

Well we can just give him the cheese, then he gets what he wants and leaves.

GORDON

That's not how a mouse thinks!

JEREMY

He thinks about cheese. He's just trying to get our cheese, if we give him our cheese he'll think "I have all their cheese, now I can leave"

GORDON

No! He thinks "Oh boy! There's a lot of cheese in this house, I'll live here forever and start a family."

JEREMY

Well we'll find out. 

CONRAD

Benjamin confiscate the cheese.

BENJAMIN

I am on it.

Benjamin goes into the fridge and takes out the house's cheese, it's a large block of cheese. Benjamin guards it.

ANDRE

Don't feed rodents Jeremy, otherwise they never leave.

BENJAMIN

This is why I think we should have asked for a cat.

JEREMY

What would a cat do?

BENJAMIN

Uhhh...cats eat mice.

JEREMY
Cats don't care about mice.

BENJAMIN
Cats HATE mice!

JEREMY
I don't think so.

ANDRE
Cat's kill mice Jeremy. Everyone knows that.

CONRAD
You didn't watch cartoons growing up?

JEREMY
There was never any cartoon about mice...and cats.

GORDON
Oh my god!
Tom and Jerry
Itchy and Scratchy
So many others...

 JEREMY
Yeah but you never see them fighting. 

GORDON
THAT'S ALL THEY DO!

ANDRE
CATS ALWAYS GO AFTER MICE!

JEREMY
I don't think so.

GORDON
ARRRRRRRGGG!!!

JEREMY
Why do you care?

GORDON
It's ANNOYING. It's annoying that you don't know this. Babies know this.

ANDRE
Alright. Enough, we're getting a cat.

JEREMY
Why don't we just get a lizard?

GORDON
(loudly)
Because it's a lizard!

JEREMY
 We can get one that bites mice with poison though, cats don't have poison when they bite.

CONRAD
Ok lets vote on it. How many people think we should get a cat?

Everyone except Jeremy raises their hand

CONRAD

How many people think we should unleash a poisonous lizard in this house to run around and bite us with venom when we reach for the remote?

Jeremy raises his hand

CONRAD

and that's how we got a cat.

INT - LIVING ROOM

They have a cat.

-END-

Well that was stupid. 

 

I Saw A Mouse Run Across My Floor Once. Scared The Crap Out Of Me.

House Arrested: The series of shorts that take place in a house where all the tenants are sociopathic criminals under house arrest being watched over by the stern Officer Karp.
 

GORDON - Annoying, kind of snotty.

ANDRE - Large black guy, sensible. 

CONRAD - Shaved head, tattoos, asshole.

BENJAMIN - Normal, nice, guy next door.

JEREMY - Weird.

EPISODE 3: Mice are scary.

INT - KITCHEN

Conrad is walking in the kitchen with a plate of food when mouse skitters across the room and out the door. That mouse scares the shit out of Conrad, he drops his plate of food and screams. Gordon and Benjamin run in to see what happened.

CONRAD

HOLY SHIT!

BENJAMIN

What? What happened?

CONRAD

I saw a mouse.

GORDON
(Condescendingly)
You're scared of mice.

CONRAD
Have you ever seen a mouse skitter across the floor when you're not expecting it? There's just something about it that makes your skin jump. It's horrifying.

Benjamin sees something and screams.

BENJAMIN
AHHHHHH!!!

GORDON
ARRRHHHHH!!

CONRAD
AAAAAHHH!!

GORDON
What are you screaming at?

BENJAMIN
That.
(pointing to something off camera)

GORDON
That shoe?

BENJAMIN
Sorry.

CONRAD
Don't do that again!

Beat 

The mouse skitters across the doorway. All three men scream.

BENJAMIN

ARRRGG!!!

GORDON

ARRRGGG!!!

CONRAD

ARRRGGG!!!!

The three catch their breath and lock their eyes, they know they have a serious problem.

Suddenly Jeremy jumps into the doorway from the hall.

JEREMY

BOO!

No one reacts, they all just look at him. Jeremy's smile deflates.

ANDRE

(voice from off camera)

ARRRRRGGGG!!!

WHAT WAS THAT?

WHAT WAS THAT?

He saw the mouse.

CONT'D...

Which one of us do you think would taste the best if we ate them?

House Arrested: The show that takes place in a house where all the tenants are sociopathic criminals under house arrest being watched over by the stern Officer Karp.

GORDON - Annoying, kind of snotty.

ANDRE - Large black guy, sensible. 

CONRAD - Shaved head, tattoos, asshole.

BENJAMIN - Normal, nice, guy next door.

JEREMY - Weird.

  

INT - LIVING ROOM

Five guys are scattered throughout the living room, the TV is on in the background.

GORDON

Let me ask you guys a question, and I am being totally hypothetical here.

ANDRE

Ok.

GORDON

Which one of us do you think would taste the best if we ate them?

ANDRE and CONRAD

Benjamin.

BENJAMIN

What?

TITLE: House Arrested - Episode 2 (Only not that. Something else because I hate that title).

CONRAD

Here's the thing. I would be gamey because I have too much muscle.

ANDRE

I'd be really gamey. We don't eat lions.

CONRAD

We don't eat lions.

GORDON

I'd be gamey.

CONRAD

You'd be the farthest thing from gamey, you'd be like veal. Lucky for you I am not crazy about veal. I'd rather eat Benjamin.

BENJAMIN

I want to know. What makes me so delicious?

GORDON

You just look like you'd cook up nice. You have just the right amount of fat, not too much but enough to give the meat that nice chew; y'know?

ANDRE

A little bit of gristle.

GORDON

Yeah.

JEREMY

I am getting kinda hungry.

CONRAD

I feel like with me...
(Conrad starts to squeeze and size up various parts of his body, his arms, legs and chest)
I don't really know where that really good meat would be but with you you'd just cut up so nice because I can see so many places that I could get a good hunk of meat from.

GORDON

I've always thought you'd be perfect for a stew.

ANDRE

Yeah, a lot of that breast meat I can't eat because it looks too fatty but that would be good in a stew.

JEREMY

I am going to go start peeling potatoes. 

Jeremy leaves. After he does we can hear him banging around in the kitchen, pulling out pots, chopping vegetables and running water.

BENJAMIN

So I am just one big delicious pig to you guys then?

CONRAD

Yes.

BENJAMIN

Am I in danger?

 GORDON

Real quick...If we did cook up Benjamin which part would you want to eat the most?

CONRAD

It's tough to say. I don't really know where Benjamin has his steak meat. 

ANDRE

That back fat around his waist, that's his sirloin. I'd have that.

CONRAD

Where does brisket come from?

ANDRE

His chest area.

CONRAD

I'd have that.

GORDON

No, you can't I am using that for my stew. 

CONRAD

Shit. Ribs then, I'd barbeque them up.

BENJAMIN

You know what's weird? This is making me hungry.

GORDON

Yeah what's Jeremy making in there? It smells good. 

INT-KITCHEN

The guys go to the kitchen to see Jeremy feverishly working away, chopping veggies and throwing them into a couple of large boiling pots.

GORDON

Oh wow, you really went to work; huh?

JEREMY

I am really busy, I am trying to get everything prepared so we can eat.

ANDRE

That smells good. Do you want help?

JEREMY

Yeah, that'd be great.

ANDRE

Alright what do you want me to do?

JEREMY

I am going to get these potatoes ready to go in the pot but I need someone to help me chop these onions, I want to make a marinade sauce. I need someone to shred garlic, Conrad that's you. I think we have fresh cloves in the back. Andre don't use that knife on those onions, use the duller knife. Gordon's going to need the good knife for Benjamin. Gordon take Benjamin up to the bathroom and into the tub before you slit his throat. The blood's going to need to drain for an hour or so which gives us just enough time to get this marinade ready, Conrad I need you to add salt and vinegar to that and actually...I think I have a wine sauce upstairs that would be perfect for this. Conrad hold off on that vinegar, Gordan after you kill Benjamin on your way back go into my room and find my cooking wine, look behind my dolls. Andre I also need you to make room in the fridge, I am going to be using the stomach meat and some of the chest but Benjamin's too big to eat today and we're going to want him to keep. There are some Popsicles in the freezer that can be thrown out to make room.

At some point during this rant everyone has stopped working and are all just staring at Jeremy.

CONRAD

Those are my Popsicles and no you can't throw them out.

ANDRE

And we're not eating Benjamin. Are you serious?

 

JEREMY

What?

GORDON

We not actually eating Benjamin.

JEREMY

Why?

BENJAMIN

BECAUSE YOU DON'T EAT PEOPLE!

JEREMY

Arrrggg...you guys were the one's talking about it.

GORDON

Yeah, talking about it. Not actually doing it.

JEREMY

I already made all this food though.

CONRAD

Well we have steak in the fridge, we can still make a nice stew.

JEREMY

(dejected) 

You guys made him sound so good.

BENJAMIN

Well...sorry?

JEREMY

Yeah.

Andre and Conrad go back to chopping the vegetables, Andre takes the steaks out of the fridge.

JEREMY

Conrad pass me that knife so I can de-bone this steak.

Conrad passes Jeremy the knife. 

JEREMY

Steak is probably just as good. Benjamin probably wouldn't have even been that...DELICIOUS!

Jeremy springs forward towards Benjamin, knife held overhead. The final shot is a jarring, loud cut of Jeremy trying desperately to eat Benjamin while the group scrambles to hold him back, screaming for him not to eat Benjamin. Cut to black.

-END-