TOM WRITES HIS FIRST MOVIE: The movie officially starts here.

Been working on a movie script, it's my first one. One page at a time I am getting it done.

I collect it all here as I go:

http://tcqscripts.blogspot.ca/2014/12/i-am-not-weirdo.html

Here's today's entry:

Douglas and Grant are in a daze after the collision, when they finally come to they're faced with a shotgun and an ultimatum.

RICHARD

Turn around. Never come back.

DOUGLAS

Richard! 

RICHARD

If you ever come near my daughter again I'll kill you. I swear to god. You're done around here. Leave.

DOUGLAS

Abigail needs help.

RICHARD

That's why I am here. She told me all about you; you piece of shit. 

GRANT

Jesus Christ put your gun down.

RICHARD

You get him out of here. You get him away from my daughter or I'll shoot you both. 

DOUGLAS

I am not leaving! Abigail NEEDS help. She's sick Richard.

GRANT

Douglas we have to go.

DOUGLAS

NO! Richard listen to me, Abigail did this. She did all of this. She needs a doctor.

Douglas feels dizzy from the collision, things around him slow down and fall silent. He doesn't hear Richard and Grant shouting at each other. His eyes are moving towards the house, he see Abby looking out the window. He snaps out of it.

DOUGLAS

Abby!

Douglas stumbles out of the car and attempt to walk to house.

RICHARD

GET BACK IN YOUR CAR!

Douglas ignores him. Richard responds by belting Douglas across the face with the butt of his gun. Douglas falls to the ground at Richard's feet.

RICHARD

What were you doing with my daughter? What kind of game were you playing?

Blood spews from Douglas's mouth, Grant runs over and tries to pick him up.

GRANT

ALRIGHT! We're gone. We're leaving.

Grant helps Douglas to his feet, Douglas locks eyes with Richard and his shotgun.

RICHARD

I knew you were no good.

Douglas has had enough, he charges Richard and takes him off his feet. The two wrestle around and the shotgun goes off, no one is hit but everyone is startled. The fighting doesn't stop, the gun goes off again. This time too close to Grant.

Grant pulls Douglas off of Richard, Richard responds by pointing his gun at Douglas's head. Everyone can see in Richards eyes that he's going to pull the trigger. Douglas braces.

ABIGAIL

Stop! Dad, stop. Just let them go.

Abigail runs over crying, as much as she's afraid of Douglas she still loves him. He's madly in love with her still.

ABIGAIL

Grant, get him out of here.

DOUGLAS
NOOOO!!! 

Douglas sits bloodies on his knees, he's trying his hardest to hold everything together.

DOUGLAS
Abigail, I am not leaving you!

 ABIGAIL
I am scared of you.

That hurt him more that the car crash or getting gun butted on the nose.

GRANT

C'mon man.

Grant picks his friend up and gets him into the passenger side of their car. As they peel out the back bumper falls out, broken glass sprinkles the road behind them as they drive away. Douglas' eyes are glued to Abigail as they pull away, she's crying in her father's arms. Douglas' eyes close.

Cont'd

TOM WRITES A MOVIE: Add Tedium

I've been working on this script: 

http://tcqscripts.blogspot.ca/2014/12/i-am-not-weirdo.html 

I've written other scripts which you can see all over this blog but this is my first feature length script attempt. The idea is that I write a page a day (but who am I kidding), I blog each page as I go because this way I feel more of a push to actually do it. Its easier than staring at a word document. If no one ever reads this blog (as I expect) then it doesn't matter, at the end of this I'll have a movie script written. For the record, I have no idea what you do with a finished movie script, that's a later Thomas's problem. Here's today's page:

INT - DOUGLAS IS RUNNING UP SOME DARKLY LIT STAIRS

Douglas is racing up the dimly lit stairs leading to the basement, his face is red and turning purple. He makes it to the top of the stairs and bursts through the door. Loudly inhaling fresh oxygen the first chance he gets.

DOUGLAS

5 seconds! New record!

ABIGAILE

Omg close the door, you're letting the smell in here. 

Douglas kicks closed the basement door and drops the box on the floor. Abby opens the box and digs around inside, pulling out some old dolls.

ABIGAILE

Yay!

DOUGLAS

That's what you sent me down there to get?

ABIGAIL

I am thinking about putting some of these up on the shelf in the guest room. Just to jazz it up a little.

DOUGLAS

God help whoever stays in that guest room. 

ABIGAIL

What do you mean?

DOUGLAS

Those dolls are going to come alive and straight up murder whoever's in that room with them.

She hold up a stuffed rabbit.

ABIGAIL

Mr. Crayon isn't a murderer. 

 Douglas pulls out of the box a particularly creepy looking doll.

DOUGLAS

This one most certainly is.

ABIGAIL

That's Patty Pancakes and yeah, I wouldn't turn my back on her. 

DOUGLAS

What guests are we expecting anyway?

ABIGAIL

Your parents? When are they going to come see the place?

DOUGLAS

They'll fly out once we're more settled. Is your dad thinking of staying here.

ABIGAIL 

No way. Not with you living here.

DOUGLAS

Phewwww...

ABIGAIL

Bryce might spend a weekend down here this month.

DOUGLAS

With his girlfriend?

ABIGAIL

No girlfriend. You can invite Grant down.

DOUGLAS

Or we can go somewhere. We can get out of this house for a while, we've been cooped up. It's making us both crazy.

ABIGAIL

I want to but I can't take a whole weekend off.

DOUGLAS

One night then. Tonight.

ABIGALE

I want to get dressed up!

DOUGLAS
Ok, where do dressed up people go?

ABIGALE
There are so many nice places on the pier, we can go for a walk along the water after, it's so beautiful out.

DOUGLAS
Should I assume I can get REALLY good fish down by the pier?

ABIGALE
(excitedly)
Oh MY God!

DOUGLAS
Go get dressed up PrettyGirl.

Abby leans in and kisses Douglas before springing out of the room and up the stairs, he adorable enthusiasm brings a smile to his face. That smile disappears when he looks down to the doll he's holding, it's Patty Pancakes. Her corpselike eyes look back at him.

Cont'd...

Tom Persists

I am back on this romantic comedy idea. I know I need to write a feature length movie script, its a goal of mine to write several movie scripts so I should probably get started on it.

Instead of staring at a blank computer screen I decided to plot it out by hand using my only table and sticky pads. I have act one sort of plotted out, I am trying to get at least a rough plot breakdown finished this week because I really need that table back. I spilled soup on my stomach earlier today, a direct result of not having a usable table.

Here's a one sentance tagline for my romantic comedy idea: What exactly are we calling 'internet stalking' these days?

MONOLOGUE MONDAYS - A Guy Who Says He's A Vampire Get's Called A Poseur.

VAMPIRE WANNABE

Yeah fine, believe what you want to believe but I never said vampires couldn't go in the sunlight. I said we don't LIKE the sunlight. It's bad for our skin, I just make that noise and run away from it when we go outside because I just...I hate it that much. It's gross, *HISSSSSSSSSSSSS. This doesn't prove anything! Close those drapes and about that ice cream cone, that doesn't prove anything either. I never said I ONLY drink blood, I said I MOSTLY drink blood. You never see it because obviously I don't do it in front of you, when I am around you I drink beer, I eat cobb salad sometimes and YES I have some Oreos or a half-moon or a muffin at my desk but I drink human blood ALL the time when I am at home. So, you know what...forget about me drinking this blood you got me. Not because I don't love blood, obviously I love blood but I am not going to just drink this to prove a point to you. That's GROSS by the way, bringing me a vial of blood to drink. I said I was hungry for blood as a joke, I didn't think you'd pull some out of your pocket. I already drank a bunch of blood in the bathroom and just didn't tell you. I don't tell you every time I drink someone's blood, so get out of here with these allegations. I told you, I don't feel the need to prove myself. Back in my old town I used to have to turn into a bat all the time for people just to prove that I was a vampire, it was demeaning. That's why you've never seen me do it, I promised myself I'd only turn into a bat when no one's around. So f**k off with this judgement Stephanie! 

-END-

I am Just Going To Level With You...

 I hate the romcom I am writing, it's not working. Having the characters meet online seemed like a good idea because that's how everyone meets these days but the way it's playing out on paper won't work on screen. I don't even know where I am going with it and I am not motivated to see this story's finish. If I am struggling to come on here and write (and I am, mightily) that that to me is a very clear indication that this story isn't worth writing. Everything good that I've ever written has poured out of my head and onto the page fluidly, with almost no effort. I never felt like I had to turn the bottle upside down and bang on it to get the words to come out but that's how I feel right now. I am scrapping this script, I know I can do better. I need to find a story that writes itself, I want to be excited about what I am working on.

Tom WILL write a romantic comedy, he just needs to come up with one first.

In the meantime, here's a real life text I got that's funnier than anything I've come up with so far.

Tom's Rom-Com. Part...3?

Alright, this is slow going but I am slowly plugging away at it.

Here's what I have previously

"MONDAY"

Andy is working at his desk, typing away at his computer. His phone sits at his desk beside him. He keeps glancing at it.

Narrator/Andy: Monday. We texted back and forth all weekend. We started talking on Saturday and I already know where she works, where she went to school, her favorite bars, what music she listens to, what she likes to do on weekends...and she knows all that stuff about me. Well obviously I lied about what I do with my weekends, I am not telling her I laid on my couch for two days. I made something up.

Andy's phone buzzes, he stealthily picks it up, it's from Cassie. He smiles.

Narrator/Andy: Look at that smile. It happens every time my phone goes off, Cassie's like Christmas. Each text is a new present to unwrap. 

Andy looks up from the phone for just a second to see a coworker staring sternly at him, taking note of his casual cell phone usage during business hours. He puts down his cell and goes back to work, feeling frustrated that he can't check his phone. He's like a junky thinking about his next fix, Andy tries to work through his urge. 

The phone buzzes again and Andy doesn't even hesitate, in one motion he locks up his desk, scoops up his phone and walks to the washroom. He finds a stall, takes the time to put down a sani-seat and sits down on the toilet, pants on.

He checks his phone, he smiles.

Narrator/Andy: (Doing a Cassie impression) "Hey Andyyyyyyyyyy. I am so busy today, we're overbooked and I am doing double the work. I had to be in at 6am today :( Anyway, I needed a distraction and I thought of you." Aww, you see what's happening here? She needs a smile and she came to me. Goddamn it that made my day.

Andy responds and then stands back up to leave the stall, he stops himself.

Narrator/Andy: Actually, shit. I can't really go to the washroom later if they all saw me go in here just now. Hold it in later or try to make something happen now? Hold it in later or go now?

Andy starts to undo his belt and unbutton his pants.

Narrator/Andy: Ugggggggg, alright. 

Cont'd...

That's a good place to stop, right? Women like seeing guys use the toilet in romantic comedies don't they?

Tom's Writing A Romantic Something

I was going to spice up this page with a drawing of a guy sitting on the couch just like I describe in this post but as it turns out drawing is hard. I suck at it, I can't make anything look like anything. I can't even draw cartoon faces well. Anyway, back to my story.

"LIFE BEFORE CASSIE"

Andy is sitting alone on the couch of a sparsely decorated apartment, one leg flung over the back of the couch, one stretched out over top of the coffee table. He's laying back like a gross shlub and watching TMZ. Outside his window you can hear the sounds of laughter and fun, more sociable people having a night out with friends. Andy stares unmoving at the screen.

NARRATOR/ANDY: How gross is it that this is how I spent most Saturday nights? How gross is it that this is how I WANTED to spend my Saturday nights?

Andy's phone buzzes, someone's calling him. He lets it ring for a while before finally giving in and answering it. The sounds of music and muffled shouting burst through the earpiece.

ANDY

Yo.

ANDY

What?

ANDY

What?

ANDY

Why where are you?

ANDY

What club?

Andy's eyebrows furl.

ANDY

Uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I don't think

I can make it. I am busy right now.

ANDY

No I can't, I am just heading out to meet mt friend. 

ANDY

NO!

ANDY

Well I'll tell you what, I have to run and meet my friend right now but I'll ask him if he wants to go. It depends on what he says. I gotta go.

ANDY

I gotta GO! I am getting onto the elevator, I gotta go.

Andy hangs up the phone and lays back down on the couch. 

NARRATOR/ANDY: The thing about falling into a rut is that you don't "fall" into them, you go willingly. You settle into a rut and make yourself comfortable, the sick part is that you don't mind it. You can sense life zipping past you but you can't seem to care until you finally see something you want bad enough to chase after it.

Andy's phone buzzes again, he glances at his phone. His eye's perk up slightly.

"New Tinder match"

Andy opens the app and see's Cassie. She's cute. Andy quickly types out a hello message, something simple. He lays back down and forgets about it, not expecting a response.

His phone buzzes again.

"Cassie sent you a new message"

NARRATOR/ANDY: Enter Cassie. My Roadrunner.

Cont'd...

So one again, I am pretty much directionless as I write this, I'll figure out what this is or where it's going along the way. 

-APE-

Cats or Komodo Dragons - Which Is The Better Housepet

CONT'D...

Previously

INT-Kitchen

Andre comes running into the kitchen.

ANDRE

Call the exterminator!

JEREMY

We don't need an exterminator for one mouse; just put some cheese down for it and it'll leave you alone.

ANDRE

What do you mean "leave me alone"?

JEREMY

I'll take care of it. I'll just leave some cheese out tonight.

ANDRE

And?

JEREMY

And he won't bother us. He just wants cheese.

ANDRE

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

GORDON

Jeremy do you think we're worried that we won't be able to like...live harmoniously with the mouse? 

JEREMY

Well we can just give him the cheese, then he gets what he wants and leaves.

GORDON

That's not how a mouse thinks!

JEREMY

He thinks about cheese. He's just trying to get our cheese, if we give him our cheese he'll think "I have all their cheese, now I can leave"

GORDON

No! He thinks "Oh boy! There's a lot of cheese in this house, I'll live here forever and start a family."

JEREMY

Well we'll find out. 

CONRAD

Benjamin confiscate the cheese.

BENJAMIN

I am on it.

Benjamin goes into the fridge and takes out the house's cheese, it's a large block of cheese. Benjamin guards it.

ANDRE

Don't feed rodents Jeremy, otherwise they never leave.

BENJAMIN

This is why I think we should have asked for a cat.

JEREMY

What would a cat do?

BENJAMIN

Uhhh...cats eat mice.

JEREMY
Cats don't care about mice.

BENJAMIN
Cats HATE mice!

JEREMY
I don't think so.

ANDRE
Cat's kill mice Jeremy. Everyone knows that.

CONRAD
You didn't watch cartoons growing up?

JEREMY
There was never any cartoon about mice...and cats.

GORDON
Oh my god!
Tom and Jerry
Itchy and Scratchy
So many others...

 JEREMY
Yeah but you never see them fighting. 

GORDON
THAT'S ALL THEY DO!

ANDRE
CATS ALWAYS GO AFTER MICE!

JEREMY
I don't think so.

GORDON
ARRRRRRRGGG!!!

JEREMY
Why do you care?

GORDON
It's ANNOYING. It's annoying that you don't know this. Babies know this.

ANDRE
Alright. Enough, we're getting a cat.

JEREMY
Why don't we just get a lizard?

GORDON
(loudly)
Because it's a lizard!

JEREMY
 We can get one that bites mice with poison though, cats don't have poison when they bite.

CONRAD
Ok lets vote on it. How many people think we should get a cat?

Everyone except Jeremy raises their hand

CONRAD

How many people think we should unleash a poisonous lizard in this house to run around and bite us with venom when we reach for the remote?

Jeremy raises his hand

CONRAD

and that's how we got a cat.

INT - LIVING ROOM

They have a cat.

-END-

Well that was stupid. 

 

A Box Full of Bugs and a Computer Full of Dicks

Part 1, 2, 3, 4

CONT'D...

This picture represents the level of gravity I want this

scene to have.

INT-KITCHEN

Conrad and Andre are in the kitchen, Officer Karp is out back having a smoke, Benjamin and Gordon are in the living room, Jeremy is in the background looking closely at the walls, lifting up shoes, staring at the ground, digging around in every nook he comes across. Everyone is watching everyone else.

Andre is sitting at the table eating cereal, Conrad sits next to him. He speaks like someone who doesn't want to be heard by other ears, hiding behind the cereal box as best he can.

CONRAD

We need to talk.
What are your thoughts on what just went down in there?

ANDRE

I think you're the one who put a picture of his dick on the internet.

CONRAD

Wrong, I stopped doing that a while ago.

That's not what we need to talk about. 

ANDRE

Alright, what then?

CONRAD

This box of bugs. Can you believe we have something like that in play now?

ANDRE

I don't like bugs Conrad.

CONRAD

I don't like knowing that someone like Jeremy has a box FULL of bugs at his disposal. What if he wanted to weaponize this?

ANDRE

Is that what you'd do?

CONRAD

YES! and you'd be afraid to cross me. You could wake up one night to find me standing over you with a box full of spiders in my hand. We can't have a weapon like that in this house.

ANDRE

It's like the nuclear option. Just knowing he has that capability..

CONRAD
To cover you in bugs.

ANDRE
Yes. He's not someone I'd trust with that kind of power. With ANY kind of power. 

CONRAD

Then let's team up, lets find that box because you know those two can't be trusted with it. 
(pointing to Benjamin and Gordon in the living room)

GORDON
(voice from the living room)
Why you pointing at me? It wasn't my dick Conrad.

ANDRE

I am with you on one condition, we destroy the box of bugs when we find it.

CONRAD

Of course.

Conrad straightens up in his chair, as he comes out from behind the cereal box he was using for cover he's startled and horrified to find Jeremy sitting right beside him, clutching something in his hand. 

CONRAD

Gaahhh! What are you doing?

JEREMY

I caught a bug.

CONRAD

Eww, and you're holding it with your bare hands?

JEREMY

So? Its just a potato bug see?

Jeremy opens his palm right near Conrad's face.

CONRAD

Bah!

Conrad slaps away Jeremy's hand sending his bug flying onto Andre. Andre jumps up and screams.

ANDRE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

He flails away in a panic.

ANDRE

AHHHHHHHHH!!

.........

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

.........

AHHHH!

.........

Wait. This is a raisin. 

CON'T...

Yeah I am still pretty much winging this, I have no destination for where this script is headed yet, all I know is that it's somewhere stupid.

-APE-

House Arrested: The Dick Pic - Part 3.

CONT'D...

OFFICER KARP

Andre I don't know why you're laughing like this doesn't effect you. Because of one of these three idiots this house is about to lose online access. 

The group is stunned to silence.

GORDON

(in his best Martin Lawrence voice)

Shit just got real.

ANDRE

What was that?

GORDON

No one gets that reference?

Wide shot of everyone. No one gets that reference, Gordon looks crushed.

OFFICER KARP

I am also going to recommend that we install security cameras in here.

CONRAD

This is bullshit!

OFFICER KARP

That's what happens when you go showing off your dick on the web Conrad.

CONRAD

I've never shown my dick on the web.

Officer Karp shoots him a look of pure skepticism.

  

CONRAD

I've never shown my dick on the web using THAT computer.  

CONT'D...

This Post May Offend - House Arrested: The Dick Pic - Part 2

I am continuing to piece together a pilot episode for a show I want to develop about a bunch of guys under house arrest, I am tailoring this to be an internet series so I am being a lot more liberal in my use of language and subject matter. Sorry if it offends. This is pretty much stream of thought writing, I don't really have this story plotted out yet so I am just coming up with it on the fly. I know where I want to get to.

CONT'D...

OFFICER KARP

Well like it or not unless someone steps forward you're all going to have to drop your pants. Except for Andre and Jeremy.

BENJAMIN
So what; now Jeremy's out too?

OFFICER KARP
Jeremy's penis did not display the characteristics we're looking for. The picture has to belong to one of you three.

Andre laughs, he's enjoying this.

BENJAMIN

This is a witch hunt! 

GORDON 
What if I just tell you what my penis looks like, will that help clear my name?
I am about 7 inches long...

CONRAD
Bullshit! 

ANDRE
There's no way you're walking around with anything over 6 inches.

GORDON
Why; because I am white?

ANDRE

YES!

BENJAMIN

No, I am white and I am about seven inches.

CONRAD

Zero chance of that being true. Every guy says he's 7 inches if you ask him but do you know how many guys actually are? Only like a third of all guys.

BENJAMIN

And what are you?

CONRAD

7 inches. That's how I know you two are lying. 

ANDRE

All of you are lying.

CONT'D...