Cats or Komodo Dragons - Which Is The Better Housepet

CONT'D...

Previously

INT-Kitchen

Andre comes running into the kitchen.

ANDRE

Call the exterminator!

JEREMY

We don't need an exterminator for one mouse; just put some cheese down for it and it'll leave you alone.

ANDRE

What do you mean "leave me alone"?

JEREMY

I'll take care of it. I'll just leave some cheese out tonight.

ANDRE

And?

JEREMY

And he won't bother us. He just wants cheese.

ANDRE

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

GORDON

Jeremy do you think we're worried that we won't be able to like...live harmoniously with the mouse? 

JEREMY

Well we can just give him the cheese, then he gets what he wants and leaves.

GORDON

That's not how a mouse thinks!

JEREMY

He thinks about cheese. He's just trying to get our cheese, if we give him our cheese he'll think "I have all their cheese, now I can leave"

GORDON

No! He thinks "Oh boy! There's a lot of cheese in this house, I'll live here forever and start a family."

JEREMY

Well we'll find out. 

CONRAD

Benjamin confiscate the cheese.

BENJAMIN

I am on it.

Benjamin goes into the fridge and takes out the house's cheese, it's a large block of cheese. Benjamin guards it.

ANDRE

Don't feed rodents Jeremy, otherwise they never leave.

BENJAMIN

This is why I think we should have asked for a cat.

JEREMY

What would a cat do?

BENJAMIN

Uhhh...cats eat mice.

JEREMY
Cats don't care about mice.

BENJAMIN
Cats HATE mice!

JEREMY
I don't think so.

ANDRE
Cat's kill mice Jeremy. Everyone knows that.

CONRAD
You didn't watch cartoons growing up?

JEREMY
There was never any cartoon about mice...and cats.

GORDON
Oh my god!
Tom and Jerry
Itchy and Scratchy
So many others...

 JEREMY
Yeah but you never see them fighting. 

GORDON
THAT'S ALL THEY DO!

ANDRE
CATS ALWAYS GO AFTER MICE!

JEREMY
I don't think so.

GORDON
ARRRRRRRGGG!!!

JEREMY
Why do you care?

GORDON
It's ANNOYING. It's annoying that you don't know this. Babies know this.

ANDRE
Alright. Enough, we're getting a cat.

JEREMY
Why don't we just get a lizard?

GORDON
(loudly)
Because it's a lizard!

JEREMY
 We can get one that bites mice with poison though, cats don't have poison when they bite.

CONRAD
Ok lets vote on it. How many people think we should get a cat?

Everyone except Jeremy raises their hand

CONRAD

How many people think we should unleash a poisonous lizard in this house to run around and bite us with venom when we reach for the remote?

Jeremy raises his hand

CONRAD

and that's how we got a cat.

INT - LIVING ROOM

They have a cat.

-END-

Well that was stupid. 

 

Tom's Writing A Horror, Action, Workplace Comedy Show

Here's what I've been working on recently. I have a show I wrote called DOPE that's a cross between Ghostbusters and the X-Files, I already wrote up a full pitch package along with a pilot episode and now I just spent some time re-writing and finishing the second episode for the series. 

DOPE – The Department of Paranormal Events is the low level branch of the provincial government where Investigations and Removals specialists Rooney, Ervin and Randal are pitted up against ghosts, goblins, demons, vampires, zombies and more ghosts all for less pay than the city gives to their average parking enforcement officer. 

DOPE is a story about a lower level branch of the provincial government dedicated to protecting the public against paranormal pests. It’s about a group of ghost exterminators trained in haunting investigations, possessions, vampirification and zombification cases, hobgoblin removal and anything else their miserable supervisor Mr. Dickmeyer demands of them. Rooney, Ervin and Randal find themselves in life threatening situations almost every day, facing off against creatures thousands of times more dangerous than anything your typical exterminator can imagine. Because the debate about the existence of the paranormal will always be ongoing with many people still unconvinced skeptics; the Department of Paranormal Events is the least funded branch of the government; meaning our guys are risking their lives for a little under $25,000 a year. 

DOPE Episode 2: Vampires - Rooney, Ervin and Randall are chased into a small cabin by a pack of vampires and Randall has been bitten. They can hold up until sunset when the vampires would retreat but if they wait that long then Randall will die and become one of them. He needs the vampire virus cure which is in the standard DOPE medical kit in their car and he needs it ASAP.

Rooney and Randall risk certain death at the hands of a ravenous pack of wild vampires. Electing to save Randal; Ervin constructs a plan to draw the attention of the vampires from within the cabin allowing Rooney to escape out back. Rooney has to race through a kilometer of vampire territory at night to find their car and get it back to Ervin who was left to fortify and protect the cabin from a pack of strong and frenzied vampires who are determined to tear their way inside where Randall lays helpless and dying on the floor; bound to turn into a deadly vampire himself at any minute.

EXT – Forest/Night

Rooney, Ervin and Randal are running through a forest towards a lonely, secluded little cabin. It's in a dilapidated condition, all three men are panicked and show signs of a struggle. Randall is wearing a blood soaked rag around his arm.

Rooney runs right up to the house and slams himself hard against the door, bouncing off and hurting himself, a beat later Ervin smashes through the front door. Rooney runs inside. Randall stumbles up to the door and almost passes out right at the doorway, Ervin catches him and pulls him in, Rooney slams the door and presses his body up against it.

Rooney

WHY DID YOU BRING RANDAL?

Ervin

I didn't know there would be that many!

Randall

Dammit Rooney I can take care of myself.

Rooney

You got BIT Randal

Randal's arm has been bitten, it's gruesome.

The inhuman sound of shrieking can be heard getting louder and louder, closer and closer. Ervin inspects Randall's bite.

Ervin

We have to get this treated immediately, the infection has already started.

Randall

Can we cure me before I turn into one of them?

Ervin takes a small plastic package out of his pocket and tears it open. It’s a syringe. He gives Randal a shot.

Ervin

I am going to give you a shot of anti-venom, it’ll help slow the spread of the virus but it’s not a cure. We need to get him to a hospital asap or he’ll turn.

Rooney

If we go outside, we DIE!

Ervin

If we stay here HE dies.

Rooney presses a button on his shoulder mounted radio.

Rooney

DOPE this is Rooney, I need assistance. My team and I were assigned to a vampire removal but there were WAY more than you said there’d be. Randal got bit! We need -

A voice comes over the radio, it's automated.

Voice on the radio

'Due to a high number of calls your request has been put in priority sequence, please wait for the next available operator.'

The three men share a look.

Ervin

How many are there?

Rooney looks out the window of the small cabin, as far as he can see there are zombie-like vampires pouring out of the woods towards the cabin. The sheer number of the vampire force makes Rooney's face go white.

Rooney

Lots.

Fadeout. Title. 

Cont'd...

Do you like selfies and pictures of people's dogs? Then join Tom on instagram...because that's pretty much all he has on there.

So I am curious as to how many new followers on instagram I can get if I start linking it within this blog. I currently only have an embarrassing 35 followers but if I start pimping out my instagram handle: thomasholler as HARD as I can to all my readers over and over I think we can get that number up to 40. If that number starts to rise then I'll start to make a conscious effort to make my instagram good, until then it remains a sobering look into the life of a single writer in Toronto who F**king LOVES his dog.

Add me on instagram: thomasholler

http://instagram.com/p/dI4gLEuaSZ/#

http://instagram.com/p/ZOO89fOaRY/#

http://instagram.com/p/a3TnPYuaZq/#

-APE-

Welcome New Viewers

As my view count has been increasing over the last few weeks I figure now's a good time to re-introduce myself and what this blog's all about.

My name is Thomas Holler and this blog's purpose is to kick me in the ass and get me writing more. I work in a day to day office job that eats up almost all my damn time and I needed something to motivate me to write. Writing is something I've always done, I went to school for media and focused on creative writing and communications. When the economy fell through the floor and left most of us feeling insecure about this marketplace I made the decision to try to build a more professional resume in the field of business, or administration or something corporate. Anything that felt more secure than TV and media did at the time, so I walked away and got a job at a bank. It's a decision I made out of self preservation but it's one that's never sat well. I was a dreamer once, I wanted to create my own films and now here I find myself working the least creative job a man can have. Corporate admin. I like the security it offers and there are perks to being in a big company but it's something I feel like I can never have my heart 100% invested in. My dream is to write. I want to work from home, I want to get paid based on something that I create myself. I want to wake up, make breakfast and sit down in my office in my underwear and start writing and have THAT be how I start each morning rather than racing to get on the disgusting subway everyday.


Hence this blog. It's a place where I can come when I feel inspired, its a place where I can work out ideas and collect an archive of scripts. It's worked too, I am currently putting a production called DOPE together based on a series of scripts I wrote early in the site's history. I've developed ideas for internet shorts called House Arrested which I'll come back to one day and came up with a short script about a brutal anti-hero. One day I'll come up with a link for all the scripts and articles I've written on here but that won't be tonight. Tonight I should actually be in bed getting ready to hop on the disgusting subway.

I'll be back tomorrow trying to write a romantic comedy script...it's not going well so far. I am just not feeling my first Rom Com idea, I need a new one. Tomorrow I am going to try to come up with a really good synopsis for a romantic comedy that I love enough to really want to dive in to the script. Tonight I am going to bed.

-Thomas Holler-

The Beautiful - Written by and staring Thomas Holler

And here's a GREAT little horror I was in hosted by horrorpalace.com, just click this pic.

I didn't write this (obviously) but it's a great example of a short, easily consumable story that hits you at the heart. Poor kid never stood a chance.

From: Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman Annual #1
Marvel Comics
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Colleen Doran

THE TOP 5 MOST DISGUSTING THINGS I'VE EVER TASTED

What follows is a list of the top 5 most disgusting things I've ever tasted. These are things that ended up in my mouth for one reason or another and were foul enough to leave a lasting impression.

5 - Red Ants -

Me and my brother were eating saltines one afternoon when we noticed that something tasted slightly off about the salt, it was more wet and popping than we were used to. That we ate as many crackers as we did before we finally looked at them and saw how covered in ants they were is why this entry only comes in at number five. They tasted just like salt, exactly like salt actually. It was only the strange crunch and texture that eventually arose suspicion after 5-7 crackers. Technically they didn't taste bad but they WERE ants so...still gross.


 4 - A piece of wood -

This is more circumstantial than anything, there's nothing specifically gross about the taste of wood but in this instance I was attending Nigerian naming ceremony for a child and one of the traditions is to pass around little plates with various substances on them. Since it's a tradition you can't really say no to putting these things in your mouth, it's the whole point of the ceremony; these weren't just snacks. I didn't know that at the time though and was handed what looked like some sort of root, I was told it would be sweet and that I should suck on it. I did. It was just a piece of dry wood, still kind of annoyed about that actually.


3 -Mud -

This one I remember vividly, we used to have this little pole in the back garden when I was a kid and one day I found it just laying out on the ground rather then stuck into the ground with a plant wrapped around it. My dad had been doing yard work and left it out, I saw it and thought I could make it into a really good blowgun. To test it out I tempted fate by picking it up and putting it to my mouth and whoever's in charge of fate just couldn't resist. I was served up a mouthful of muddy poetic justice. Pure mud. Pure mud.

2 - A Fly -

One flew right into my mouth and was crushed into the roof of my mouth in the fight to spit it out quickly. It tasted bitter, it tasted traumatic.


1 - A packet of soy sauce that had been left sitting in the hot sun of a parking lot -

This is obviously another story about something that was forced upon me, and the odds of this happening to anyone are incalculable. It's more likely that an asteroid breaks apart beyond the Kuiper Belt in deep space and sends a fragment on a perfect course for my mouth than it was for a car to drive over a packet of sun baked soy sauce and explode it all over my lips but it happened. It was REALLY, REALLY salty and grainy. Like wet, hot, SALTY dirt.

SKINNY DIPPING IN THE MOONLIGHT - A 1 Minute Script

I would have thought finding an enticing skinny dipping picture to use would be easier than it was. Here's my final 1 minute script.

Exterior - Evening/Night - A secluded little spot at a large pond or lake.

An attractive man and woman are stripping down.

TYLER
A little night time skinny dipping, this is the best idea I've ever had.

Jodi smiles

TYLER
How did I talk you into this again?

JODI
I thought I talked you into it.

TYLER
Maaaaan.

JODI
Don't get too excited this is just skinny dipping and you have to turn your head while I get in.

Tyler looks disappointed

JODI
Aww I am sorry. 

TYLER
Alright, am I turning my head all the way around or can I at least have it on this angle where I can just see a TINY little bit in my peripheral but not enough to make anything out?

JODI
If you can't make anything out then why do you still want to see?

TYLER
Have you seen you?

Jodi starts to get undressed, as she's taking off her shorts she looks up.

JODI
A full moon. They say that's romantic.

TYLER
Aren't I lucky.

Tyler turns his head slightly to get a quick look. Jodi sees, she likes it.

JODI
We'll find out.

Jodi walks out into the water. Tyler turns around.

TYLER
Are you going to get your hair wet?

Jodi takes up the challenge unblinkingly and dives down under the water.

TYLER
Skinny dipping with a sexy woman on a full moon. I'd call that lucky.

Tyler pulls down his shorts, as he bends over he hears a large footstep behind him and the breaking of branches. He shoots back up and it's perfectly still. Frozen.

Jodi comes splashing to the surface.

TYLER
shhhh...Jodiiiiiiii...is there a bear behind me?

Jodi looks, her eyes widen. The shock on her face doesn't register with Tyler.

JODI
No

Behind Tyler is an enormous man in a mask, he's wearing tattered clothes covered in blood and carrying a huge knife. Tyler doesn't turn around.

 

TYLER
Phew...ok, good.


-END-