Pimples.

Zits are the worst. At this age when you have a pizza face people don't excuse it as puberty or something temporary and forgivable. When you're over the age of 30 and you're walking around with a forehead full of oily, red eyesores people just think you're gross. Like you have some condition that will keep you pimply forever, you may as well dress them up in little tuxedos because the only thing anyone is going to see when they look at you are your zits. Of course that's not entirely true, we all know that pimples usually go away in a few days and there are some really effective medicines out there but when you actually have a monster pimple you have a tendency to over exaggerate how devastating it is to your life.

I am trying to come up with some pieces of 'copy' to use in a copy writing portfolio. Little ad campaign write ups. It occurs to me that I can probably come up with a funny acne cream campaign using the humor found in how over the top people go when they're complaining about having a pimple.

I'll probably expand the idea that zits are the ultimate annoyance and those afflicted with them would give anything for a remedy that actually works. Just look at these real life texts that I sent to my friends this week after discovering that the landscape of my forehead was suddenly very mountainous.

 

Do you hear that guy? That's a guy who would have paid anything for an acne treatment that would make those little a**holes vanish, giving him his face back.

Getting your face back will be the theme of my advertising message:

"Don't panic. Clearasil® Daily Clear® Vanishing Acne Treatment Cream has an acne-fighting formula strong enough to help you take back your face. Regular and continuous treatments can help defend against breakouts, so you can enjoy clearer skin all day, every day.

Clearasil® Daily Clear® Vanishing Acne Treatment Cream. Defeat the zits!"

Do you like selfies and pictures of people's dogs? Then join Tom on instagram...because that's pretty much all he has on there.

So I am curious as to how many new followers on instagram I can get if I start linking it within this blog. I currently only have an embarrassing 35 followers but if I start pimping out my instagram handle: thomasholler as HARD as I can to all my readers over and over I think we can get that number up to 40. If that number starts to rise then I'll start to make a conscious effort to make my instagram good, until then it remains a sobering look into the life of a single writer in Toronto who F**king LOVES his dog.

Add me on instagram: thomasholler

http://instagram.com/p/dI4gLEuaSZ/#

http://instagram.com/p/ZOO89fOaRY/#

http://instagram.com/p/a3TnPYuaZq/#

-APE-

My Push For 10,000 Views Begins - Here's a Sick Little Gangster Movie Promo

I shot a short film over the weekend. 

I'll post the full version as soon as I can and I'll be getting back into the swing of writing everyday from now on. I've just been feeling beat up lately, I was on set shooting for 22 hours that day and I am just now recovering. That's the thing about these 48 Hour Film challenges, you work in the hot sun or a warm office for damn near an entire 24 hour day; eating junk food for every meal and then you put that fat, puffy, sweaty, tired looking, worn out face on camera for everyone to see and judge. Goodbye vanity.

-Thomas Holler-

Tom's Horror Script - -LURKING pt8-

-LURKING pt8-

The morning light is bright, it's incredibly strong and cuts a striking contrast against the previous night's blackness. Darcy's still in her corner though in the light of the day it doesn't provide her with any cover. She still hasn't slept, she's been up all night hiding and listening. It's been quiet for a long time, she's lost track. It's time to move. Darcy gets up and makes her way topside where she had the encounter with the creature, she rounds the corner carefully. She's armed, in fact in her state she looks almost as frightening as anything she could hope to find up there. It's a beautiful day. 

The scene she finds is horrible, the entire deck is a dark crimson red, blood red. Scattered all over are the remains of what appears to be a large shark, it's been torn apart and eaten. The violent scratches and damage to the boat indicate a frenzied, violent feeding. The slamming of the jib in the wind snaps her out of it, she looks at the sail contemplatively. It's time. Cade isn't coming back and she can't sit still waiting for the monster to come for her. The boat is a wreck but if she can get the ropes set and clear the deck of all the debris she reasons that she can raise the sails and get moving. Motivated for the first time to affect her own circumstances, Darcy starts the task of getting this boat ready to move. 

She spends the day going over the last of her supplies, repairing her sail and rigging and getting it ready to be hoisted up into the wind. It's hard work, it takes all morning and afternoon.

Later in the day the sun is starting to lower in the sky, it's getting cooler and later in the day. Darcy is playing with the broken radio. She's speaking into it, it doesn't work but it provides her some comfort and offers her a chance to vent.

Darcy

Hello?

Am I alone?

I don't care if you can't even hear me, I just want to hear someone's voice. I am alone. Cade. I think I am going to die soon, I think something is hunting me. I don't know, I don't trust my eyes anymore. I have to leave here now, please tell Cade I wanted to stay and find him. I wanted to wait for him to come back to me but I can't. I don't want this thing to eat me. Cade. Why did you go? I need you...

She's interrupted, off in the distance the unmistakable high pitched clicking of the creature can be heard. It's coming.

-Cont'd-

Your Boat Is Being Stalked By A Sea Creature Who Thinks You're Food.

LURKING

 

Part 1 

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

-Pt 5-

Daytime - Below deck

The next morning's light fills the boat's small living space from above, amongst the mess all over the floor it's hard to see Darcy hidden in a darkened corner. She hasn't slept a wink, she's a nervous wreck. She's holding a knife close in hand. The sun comes right through her window and hits her in the face, the bright white light prompts her to move. Sh
e make her way above deck.

It's a nice day, there's a strong wind causing waves to bounce off her boat and rock it, she makes her way to the bow. Darcy's still holding onto hope that Cade will show up. That she'll turn around to see him standing there as if he'd never left. She survey's the boat. It's covered in a black slime, there are deep scratches all over the boat and the sails are a wreck. Darcy takes the time to scan the boat for supplies, she has plenty of food to last her a while, all sorts of tools, fishing equipment, first aid kits and a flare gun. Cade made sure to be well stocked, he took good care of her.   

Darcy is utterly lost. The gravity of the situation once again hits her and she starts to panic. She drops down in a ball with her head at her knees; burying her head in her arms. She closes her eyes and tries to get a grip on herself. She rocks back and forth, she cries, she thinks. Her head snaps back up, she remembers the radio. She runs over to it, the storm has done a number on it but it still turns on. The static is extremely heavy on every channel she tries. Through the static she can make out the faintest sense of people speaking.

DARCY

Help!

Her voice is meek and desperate. Darcy flips around the dial, calling out for help to anyone who might be able to hear her. There's no response, there's no break in the static. She's alone. Suddenly, ominously cutting through the noise of the radio is the familiar high pitched clicking sound, it sounds amphibian and it's coming from the water about 20 ft out. Darcy stands up and scans the water with her eyes. She sees a wild thrashing several yards out, then the chilling site of death. Blood. She sees the water surrounding the area where she heard the sound turning red with the blood of a fresh kill. 

-Cont'd-

A short Script About 3 Roommates, One Of Whom Eats A Spider

So. I've been wanting to continue with my Romantic Comedy script but I've been a little distracted.

Tomorrow I am back to it but for now here's a re-post of a really short script about three roommates, one of them eats a spider.

From the APE archives:

http://apeday.blogspot.ca/2012/09/dumb-little-script-where-guy-eats-spider.html

And now I've drawn TWO Chocolate Chip Spiders

Tom Writes a Romantic Comedy

 

I don't like this picture either but I wanted to use a drawing of a couple for this post and if you think it's easy to find a drawing anywhere online of a couple that ISN'T done in Japanese Anime THEN YOU TRY.

I am going to write a romantic comedy.

I am going to write a romantic comedy and I am going to make it as real as possible. I hate romantic comedies; that's why I want to write one. I always hear people say that romantic comedies represent to women their perfect fantasies, that's why all the women are well educated, successful, flawlessly beautiful career driven women who have great friends and families but are missing that ONE special thing in their lives; a man who's ruggedly handsome and incredibly stylish who is both incredibly smooth and adorably able to laugh at himself because being charming is effortless to him. He's very successful but has a really chill job where he plays pool in the middle of the office, has tons of free time and hangs out with his boss like they're best friends. It's all horses**t. Who lives that life? Who's first date involves walking onto the floor of Madison Square Garden and playing a game of strip horse? Who's first date involves going backstage at the art exhibition where you get to meet all the artists and get invited to a lavish penthouse party? It's hores**t. You know what a first date is? A coffee in a small cafe and maybe a walk. It's going shopping together and struggling through awkward conversation until you finally start clicking. It's pretty rare that anyone ever walks up to a total stranger and has a perfect little conversation with her and how many couples do you know do crazy, goofy things like spontaneously running backwards through a street or have a cute little food fight in a restaurant booth? If you do know a couple like that; in what world are they anything but insufferable?

If you can't relate to the movie then how can it be an escapist fantasy?

 Seriously, it's SO hard finding pictures to accompany a post about romantic comedies.
What do I even type into google? 'Romance' 'Couple'?

I've hated almost every romantic comedy I've ever seen so I figure I should probably try to write one myself.

Here's my Rom-Com idea:

Brandon is madly in love with his girlfriend Mika and is finally invited to meet her friends, he hopes he can win them over because he knows how much they mean to her. He can't. At the diner party he clashes with every single one of them, by then end of the night Brandon can honestly say he genuinely hates every single one of them and he knows the feeling is mutual. Mika's friends mean the world to her and Brandon feels a distance growing between them as she's forced to constantly choose between her boyfriend and her friends. Brandon decides to right his wrong by winning over the affections of a group of people he absolutely can't stand, who absolutely can't stand him.

Or something like that, I don't know. I am going to play with it a little and use this blog to work on it but for real; there are no good pictures to go along with this subject matter so I don't know what I am going to do about that.

People. Until next time, have a good morning beautiful day.

-Thomas Holler-

My President's Choice Old Fashion Dijon Mustard Ad.

I decided to try a new kind of writing just to see what kind of advertisement I could come up with for one item chosen at random from my fridge.

Here's what I came up with in 10 minutes.