Pimples.

Zits are the worst. At this age when you have a pizza face people don't excuse it as puberty or something temporary and forgivable. When you're over the age of 30 and you're walking around with a forehead full of oily, red eyesores people just think you're gross. Like you have some condition that will keep you pimply forever, you may as well dress them up in little tuxedos because the only thing anyone is going to see when they look at you are your zits. Of course that's not entirely true, we all know that pimples usually go away in a few days and there are some really effective medicines out there but when you actually have a monster pimple you have a tendency to over exaggerate how devastating it is to your life.

I am trying to come up with some pieces of 'copy' to use in a copy writing portfolio. Little ad campaign write ups. It occurs to me that I can probably come up with a funny acne cream campaign using the humor found in how over the top people go when they're complaining about having a pimple.

I'll probably expand the idea that zits are the ultimate annoyance and those afflicted with them would give anything for a remedy that actually works. Just look at these real life texts that I sent to my friends this week after discovering that the landscape of my forehead was suddenly very mountainous.

 

Do you hear that guy? That's a guy who would have paid anything for an acne treatment that would make those little a**holes vanish, giving him his face back.

Getting your face back will be the theme of my advertising message:

"Don't panic. Clearasil® Daily Clear® Vanishing Acne Treatment Cream has an acne-fighting formula strong enough to help you take back your face. Regular and continuous treatments can help defend against breakouts, so you can enjoy clearer skin all day, every day.

Clearasil® Daily Clear® Vanishing Acne Treatment Cream. Defeat the zits!"

Wolverine Making a Sandwich, Manly Bubble Baths and Beard Stubble So Strong It Can Strip Paint

Remember this image, it'll make sense later

I've had the girliest night for the manliest of reasons. If someone were to have been watching me for the last couple hours they would rightly so be questioning my manhood. So far I've had a nice bubble bath and then curled up with a big tub of yogurt and almonds and watched every episode of Total Divas.

MY REASONS:

Ok; first off there's nothing sensual about my tub, it's gross and I hate my bathroom. I made myself a nice warm bath because my back muscles hurt and I knew it would feel like heaven, I had every right to add bubbles and I don't feel like I have to explain myself to you. Did I enjoy it? Yes. I work out a lot and my rippling muscles get sore, ladies you can understand that. I will say this about baths, when I was finished my bath I felt the need for a shower. Bath water is like this disgusting bodily soup that you're just marinating in, it's gross.

The yogurt and almonds aren't comfort food to me, quite the opposite. I am trying to gain weight but I have such a small appetite, I am never that hungry. I can get by just fine on two meals a day and maybe one snack, when you're 6'4 and trying to add muscle that's just not enough. I should be eating like 4-5 meals a day. Sometimes I have to force feed myself, that means I am jamming on almonds and yogurt without enjoying it. I love yogurt, I love almonds, mix 'em up and it makes for a great little snack but not an hour after you just had a big chicken dinner. I know trying to lose weight must suck but trying to gain it isn't any picnic either.

Finally, why did I invest 2 hours of my life in an E! Network reality show about the lives of WWE Divas? This is why:

and she has a twin

Anyway, as a writer I am interested in learning to write copy. Copy is an advertising term, it's the text or the initial written idea for whatever you're trying to market. I am screwing around with writing up mock advertising campaigns for different products. Today I am trying to come up with a campaign and commercial for Gillette shaving products.

Gillette - 'For Even the Toughest Shaves"

The ad campaign's goal is to spotlight how Gillette shaving products will smoothly glide through even the grizzliest of men's beards as easily as Wolverine's claws cut through butter when he's making himself a sandwich. To illustrate the point this campaign will spotlight some improbably tough beards being cleanly shaven, comedic exaggerations of how stubbly a beard can be. Stubble so tough you could scale a fish with it. Stubble so sharp and strong that it shreds apart your pillow each night. We'll show stubble so prickly that you could use it to shred stolen credit cards being effortlessly shaved away without any irritation using Gillette products.

In my commercial we see a man in a parking lot get attacked by a mugger, the man has nothing to defend himself with except his stubbly, razor sharp beard.

Gillette: Even the Toughest Shaves. 30 Second Internet/TV Commercial

VIDEO	AUDIO
INTERIOR/PARKING LOT/NIGHT: A man is walking through a lonely parking lot, it’s dark and frightening. He’s tense as he walks to his car.	Echoing footsteps, ominous music
Wide: As he passes a row of cars a figure appears behind him and starts to follow him	Two sets of echoing footsteps, chase music
He picks up his pace, eventually leading to him running full speed for his car, he doesn’t look back.	Tense music
Finally he’s at his car, he fumbles for his keys nervously. Suddenly he’s grabbed from behind. He drops his keys.	Sound of keys jingling and falling, two men struggling.
The two men wrestle
CLOSE UP: The man has been grabbed by someone, he’s totally unarmed. He looks around for something to defend himself with but finds nothing. Thinking quickly he instinctively defends himself with the one thing he has, his freakishly scratchy stubble. He slaps his cheek against his attacker’s cheek and pulls backwards, scraping his beard along the attacker’s skin. The attacker falls back in agony and runs off, the man is left alone to collect himself. He runs his fingers along his beard and gives a look that says “oh wow, I didn’t realize my stubble has gotten this bad. Eww, I need a shave”	Wrestling, exciting music A man’s voice shouting out in pain
INTERIOR/WASHROOM SINK: Back at home the man is using The Gillette® Fusion® ProGlide™ Power Razor, to shave away his unruly stubble, revealing a soft; smiling face underneath.	(V.O) The Gillette® Fusion® ProGlide™ Power Razor is Gillette’s most advanced blade ever**. Thinner, finer blades give you an effortless low-resistance glide through even the toughest hair with less tug and pull. Gillette, for even the toughest shaves.

Men Should Be the Ones Buying Scented Candles.

So, Tom wants to try copy writing. Copy writing can take a few forms but most commonly its a position in advertising where you're tasked with coming up with the ideas for ad campaigns. I could be good at that, or at least I could learn to be good at that. I figure the best way I can get myself onto that path is by writing up a few samples so I am going to choose a product that I use personally and try to come up with an ad campaign for. I'll sell it to you and write a short commercial for the product, something I can use in a beginners portfolio.

The product I've chosen is: SCENTED CANDLES

If I am asked to come up with a campaign for scented candles I focus on selling these things to men. Selling scented candles the male audience has to be a candle maker's dream, if they could make their product feel essential to men the way it does with women then they've got to be doubling their customer base. I don't think it's that hard a sell either. Scented candles mask stinky smells, men account for 98% of all stinky smells. It follows. I myself buy scented candles, as you can see by that Dollarama sticker I pay $3 for them. I don't like paying $3 at the dollar store, that's usually the store's highest price point. When I see something for $3 I really ask myself if I need it, and y'know what? In this case I did. I am a guy who does guy things and makes guy smells in my modest Toronto apartment that I share with my little roommate Gizzy McStinks. My place can get smelly.

Pictured: Gizzy McStinks

Yet even if a girl wanted to do an unannounced pop by I still had it covered, I kept a Scented Candle on my coffee table at all times. Five minutes after lighting one of those and my apartment would smell like a fruit orchard and the dancing flames provided me with some mood lighting. A mood that the horrible, screaming neighbor children and sometimes even Gizzy McStinks herself would spend the rest of the night trying to kill, but they don't make a candle to help with that. I honestly think if marketed properly scented candles can become a staple of the single man's grocery list and since the idea of a man buying a scented candle conjures up associations of femininity; that's rich comedy territory. I propose this online ad campaign:

Glade Scented Candle 30 Second Internet/TV Commercial

VIDEO	AUDIO
INTERIOR/A MAN’S APARTMENT: A Caucasian man (Mike) in his late 20’s is sitting in his small apartment with his dog, he has a messy apartment with dirty laundry all over the place and old food sitting in dirty plates. His phone lights up, showing that he got a text from a pretty girl. “Hey, I am in the area, I am going to pop by”. Mike jumps up and looks around his nasty apartment, he takes a sniff of the air and recoils from how bad the air smells.	Sound of the TV in the foreground, music. Cell phone sound, tense/up tempo music
Mike springs up and throws all his laundry into a bag, he takes all his gross plates and hides them in a drawer below the sink. He notices that he hasn’t taken his garbage out yet; it stinks. He races out to the incinerator with the bags of garbage. He gets another text. “Hey, I am coming up to your building now”	The music quickens in pace Cell phone text sound
Mike runs back into his apartment, it still smells. He looks down at his dog, realizing that he’s a strong source of the stink. He sprays the dog with cologne but it still smells, he tries spraying the air but it doesn’t work. Another text. “Here. I’ll be up in a minute”	Tense music continues to build Cell phone text sound
Frantically he goes through his drawers and finds a jasmine scented candle. He’s not convinced that this will help but he’s out of options. He fumbles to find a lighter and lights it in a hurry.	Sound of things being shuffled around.
ELEVATOR: Shots of a beautiful women coming up in an elevator.	Elevator chime

APARTMENT: Mike is flapping his arms wildly, trying to fan the scented smoke throughout the apartment.	The music builds
ELEVATOR: The woman reaches her floor and heads out.	The music build to a stop.
APARTMENT: The women knocks on the door and opens it, Mike and her make eye contact. The woman steps inside and stops. She sniffs. Mike, starts to feel mortified; thinking she smells all the gross smells he’s hiding. Mike is dumbfounded, he can’t believe the candle worked. He looks at it with a face full of shock and discovery, like he’s just found the Holy Grail.	Sound of knocking. MIKE: Hi Woman: Hi Woman: Mmmmm, it smells good in here. Is that jasmine? Mike: Yeah…it does.?.
INTERIOR/APARTMENT: Mike is having a get together with his guy friends at his bachelor pad. As the men pass by Mike’s washroom one of them remarks on the large scented candle Mike has displayed proudly by the toilet.	FRIEND 1: Did your mom buy you that? Laughter
Mike and his friends watch the game, the whole time they’re all pigging out of junk food. Mike heads to the washroom but it’s occupied, He knocks on the door. One of his friends comes out, he’s a large man and he’s holding his gut like he just did something awful in that washroom. He did. It smells appalling; the whole room can smell it and they all react.	Sound of the TV Cheering, high fiving, eating Knocking Everyone in the room erupts into noise once the washroom door is open and the cloud of toxic gas is let out.
INTERIOR/WASHROOM Mike lights his scented candle to cover the smell
INTERIOR/APARTMENT The men on the couch smell something, they’re sniffing the air with intrigue. Whereas moments ago the air around them made them gag; now some magic has filled the air with the smell of a flowery meadow. What is this?	Sniffing sounds

 

INTERIOR/WASHROOM Mike is finishing up, he flushes the toilet and leaves. When he opens the  door he finds a hallway full of his curious friends, they’re following a captivating smell. It’s the scented candle. Mike walks past them. The men look in on the candle with expressions of awe and discovery, like they’ve just seen the Holy Grail.	Toilet flushing
INTERIOR/APARTMENT/EVENING: Mike and the woman are cuddled up on the couch, the soft flicker of a scented candle lights the room romantically.	“Fellas, let me introduce you to the Scented Candle by Glade. You could use one of these”