A story writing blog
Showing posts with label ape day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ape day. Show all posts

Sunday, November 17, 2013

This Post May Offend - House Arrested: The Dick Pic - Part 2

I am continuing to piece together a pilot episode for a show I want to develop about a bunch of guys under house arrest, I am tailoring this to be an internet series so I am being a lot more liberal in my use of language and subject matter. Sorry if it offends. This is pretty much stream of thought writing, I don't really have this story plotted out yet so I am just coming up with it on the fly. I know where I want to get to.



CONT'D...


OFFICER KARP
Well like it or not unless someone steps forward you're all going to have to drop your pants. Except for Andre and Jeremy.

BENJAMIN
So what; now Jeremy's out too?

OFFICER KARP
Jeremy's penis did not display the characteristics we're looking for. The picture has to belong to one of you three.

Andre laughs, he's enjoying this.

BENJAMIN
This is a witch hunt! 

GORDON 
What if I just tell you what my penis looks like, will that help clear my name?
I am about 7 inches long...

CONRAD
Bullshit! 

ANDRE
There's no way you're walking around with anything over 6 inches.

GORDON
Why; because I am white?

ANDRE
YES!

BENJAMIN
No, I am white and I am about seven inches.

CONRAD
Zero chance of that being true. Every guy says he's 7 inches if you ask him but do you know how many guys actually are? Only like a third of all guys.

BENJAMIN
And what are you?

CONRAD
7 inches. That's how I know you two are lying. 

ANDRE
All of you are lying.



CONT'D...




Thursday, August 15, 2013

CANADA - Slow and Steady Wins the Race.



I recently got into an argument about ice cream where someone scoffed at my preference for vanilla over every other flavor. People associate vanilla with words like 'plain' and 'boring' but vanilla's a legit flavor. It's a flavor the same way chocolate and strawberry are flavors and in my opinion it's the best one. I don't even like putting toppings on my ice cream, if vanilla's the best flavor (which has been scientifically proven by my studies) then adding anything to it is just making it into a lesser ice cream. I feel the same way about cheesecake but that's another article. Anyway it was a surprisingly heated discussion...and here's the thing, I've had this argument a few times before. I can count at least three times that I've had an argument over ice cream and zero times I've ever had an argument about Canadian politics.

Getting into a heated argument over Canadian politics is next to impossible for the average Canadian, being a 4 party system means we're not so polarized as a voting populous. Having a four party system means that for the most part; there aren't such chasmic differences between the parties. Less chasmic differences between parties correlates to less fighting between parties, less fighting between parties means less news coverage and less news coverage leads to me feeling the need to google who our Prime Minister is just now; just to be sure. I live in Toronto and I am around people all day, I pass by thousands of strangers and hear hundreds of conversations each week. I can't remember the last time I heard anyone having a discussion about Canadian politics. World politics; sure. That's not uncommon. Toronto is the most multi-cultural city in the world and everyone here is acutely tuned into the news from abroad but you'll never find anyone discussing the latest RCMP probe that found Senator Pamela Wallin guilty of billing tax payers a little over $80,000 for falsified travel expenses. Yeah that story's annoying, that chick should pay for her own damn travel. You make a nice salary, don't ask for everything to be free. Still though; as far as headlines go $80k is a pretty unsexy number.

That's Canada though, we don't have much drama and we don't give the papers much to talk about. We haven't really had a national tragedy in a while, no disasters to get us talking. We don't live under fear of attack from enemy nations, which is usually a huge talking point for WAY too many countries. We're really lucky that way, I can't even imagine how it must feel to live in fear of another land and it's people. It's just something we've never really had to worry about. We don't have a lot of hot button issues for the media to press either, we aren't a nation with many sociological scars brought on by tragedy or injustice. We aren't really an embattled people. I mean; we do face things like poverty and racism but even in our largest cities we're still so heavily integrated with people from all over the world that every work place, every apartment complex and every outing is like a 'Model United Nations' conference. Most of us have grown up like this, it's not the kind of environment that breeds that level of ethnic prejudice but it IS the kind of environment that breeds a lifelong craving for good ethnic food. Even the issues of overcrowding and pollution aren't anything for us to worry about since the large majority of our enormous country is uninhabited natural land.

 Most of Canada actually looks like this

Yes, we took a hit in the recession but we made out better than a lot of other countries and if you get into a fight with someone out here; there's a pretty slim change that dude's packing a gun. I hear all the time that Canadians as a people are really chill, well it makes sense when you think of how relaxed our ride has been so far. That stigma of being a bland country because we don't make headlines is something we should wear with pride considering that most headlines report bad news.

  "Toronto: Come Eat REALLY Good Ethnic Food and Just Chill"

Finally, no I haven't forgot about our beloved Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. He certainly does makes headlines but not for his politics, more-so for his binge drinking, ass grabbing and crack smoking. He also has a compilation of pratfalls that would make Chris Farley jealous. Seriously the man can't stay on his feet. One more reason Toronto is awesome.







-APE-

* Nov 25/2013 - I wrote the above article before the whole Rob Ford crack scandal broke. This whole scandal has become the biggest most conversation worthy news we've ever had. Everyone's talking about it, Rob Ford is becoming the most entertaining person on television.


Friday, August 2, 2013

Hey Racist, You're Bad At Science.


Sometimes I just feel like writing little monologues:

“Hey racist, you’re bad at science. I looked it up, the only thing that someone’s skin color can tell you about a person is how much sun their ancestors got. The hotter it was where my ancestors lived the darker my skin is now. So right there your argument is flawed. And your understanding of biology is flawed. Your skin doesn’t tell your brain what to do and how to act, your skin just sits there like a bitchy shirt or something. The only thing your skin tells your brain is how much something hurts or how good something feels, that’s literally it. Next time you’re sizing someone up  based on their skin color; keep in mind the only solid information you have to go on is about how gorgeously sunny it was where their people were from.  Besides; we actually all do come from the same place, at the end of the day we all started off as fish-lizards…as is my understanding of it. We were all fish who started walking and we looked like we were half fish and half lizard. We had these bitchin’ teeth, we had faces like crocodiles and…actually you know what? We were all just fish at one point. We all started out as fish. Your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents were fish, so get over yourself. “


 -APE-

Thursday, July 11, 2013

I am going to finish this damn horror script - LURKING Continued

I am still jamming on this horror script, I am nowhere near meeting a feature length requirement but I am probably just going to wrap this up in a few more pages. There's so little dialogue that it's hard to really say how long this script would play on screen and I can always add more. This will be a sample size script.



Lurking pt. 1-8

-LURKING Pt. 9-

Exterior - Evening

Darcy stands up, she's finally motivated by fear to get her boat moving. Cade isn't coming back, he's gone. The high pitched sounds of the creature penetrate the coming dawn, she runs to her sail. Through trial and error she's finally figured out how to hoist her sail and lock down the rigging, she's not a perfect sailor and can't navigate very well but she's only interested in moving, she needs to get out of this spot where she's been stalked every single night by some horrible monster who she believes killed her fiance. Darcy can see movement in the water, something is streaking towards her fast enough to kick up waves. Darcy fumbles with her ropes, she's tired, stressed out and panicking. It's getting darker and she's losing light. The monster's been sizing her boat up for days, each night becoming more comfortable exploring the boat. Darcy knows that if she's stuck here for one more night with this thing she won't see another morning, it will find her and eviscerate her.

She snaps everything into place and almost instantly feels movement for the first time in a weeks, the wind picks up and soon she's quickly heading away from danger. She hears the call of the creature getting further and further away as the sun starts to set on the horizon. The only thing indicating the place in the water where she suffered through her most unimaginable nightmare is a small scattering debris from her boat. That's the closest thing Cade will get to a tombstone marking his grave, he's lost forever out here.

Darcy lets the wind take her as far it can as night falls, Darcy is exhausted. She hasn't slept in days, she's a wreck. She's barely keeping herself together and it's likely that even if she survives to see land again; she'll never be the same. The movement of the boat is equally calming and terrifying. It's the reason she was able to escape a creature that will haunt her nightmares for as long as she lives but on the other hand this wind could be pushing her further and further away from the shore. Darcy's slumps over against the cabin and slides to the floor, she has nothing left. Her head slowly falls to her shoulders, he eyes never quite shut. If she closes them she'll see him, Cade. Standing on the water asking her to come back for him, asking her why she left him. She finally fades, her body relaxes. It's quiet. Darcy rests for the first time.

SLAM! Chaos. Darcy and everything on the boat are violently thrown forward, the boat was hit hard by something under the water.  Darcy is hurt and buried by falling debris. It's here. It followed her boat, it won't leave her alone. Won't let her escape. Darcy's pathetic and well worn voice can only let out a squeak.

Darcy
No.

-Cont'd-



Wednesday, June 26, 2013

My Push For 10,000 Views Begins - Here's a Sick Little Gangster Movie Promo


I shot a short film over the weekend. 


I'll post the full version as soon as I can and I'll be getting back into the swing of writing everyday from now on. I've just been feeling beat up lately, I was on set shooting for 22 hours that day and I am just now recovering. That's the thing about these 48 Hour Film challenges, you work in the hot sun or a warm office for damn near an entire 24 hour day; eating junk food for every meal and then you put that fat, puffy, sweaty, tired looking, worn out face on camera for everyone to see and judge. Goodbye vanity.

-Thomas Holler-

Monday, June 3, 2013

Lurking Part 6 - In the Water With A Monster




LURKING


-Pt 6-

Darcy, stumbles backwards. The sound coming from the water sounds frenzied. Darcy is feeling panicked.

The wind slams the sail behind her getting her attention, the sail is still down but the wind is strong enough to slam the jib against the taut rope tying it down. Darcy knows she can't waste this chance, the wind is strong and this gives her an opportunity to get moving. She has no training but can gather that the first thing she needs to do is to untie the ropes holding the rig in place so that she can begin to raise the sail. It's not easy for her but she figures out how to get everything lose and untied. Once it's loose she runs over to the rope and starts to raise the sails slowly, she gets a quarter of the way up before the wind catches the sail moving the boat but slamming the whole rig back and forth.


Darcy rushes to solve the problem before the violent slamming causes the sail to break apart, something is loose that's supposed to hold the jib in place but she can't get a hold of it. The sails swings around and collides with her, sending her flying in into the water.

Darcy hits the water and sinks slowly before she comes to seconds later, the blow rattled her. The water is frothing and hard to see in, beneath her is dark blue water giving way to blackness. Darcy sees her boat and swims towards it, but doesn't seem to be getting any closer. She surfaces to see the boat moving away from her, though the sail isn't up the wind and movement of the water are carrying her boat, her only lifeline away from her. Darcy races forward, swimming after the boat as it quickly drifts away, the look on her face is one of terror. Her mind racing with the thought of being stranded in the water and certain doom. The boat is always just out of reach, she's wondering how long she can keep going.

As she races forward she sees something out of the side of her eye. Something moving even faster than her, it's coming upward from below. It's hard to see, just a shadow but she can definitely see that its something moving towards her. She screams underwater and pushes herself ever harder, the boat is once again JUST out of reach and the shadowy figure is getting closer. It's big. She reaches forward with all of her might and grabs hold of a lose rigging hanging just over the side. She pulls with every last ounce of strength she has and flings her exhausted body over the side. She leans over the side staring into the water, and sees a figure shoot past the boat. The way it moves is foreign to her, the creature has long fins, sharp edges; a violent look to it. It startles her and she falls back, she's too exhausted to move.

In the distance she sees a splash, a long thin fin breaks the surface. Darcy passes out.



-Cont'd-


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Horror Movie Idea. Don't Steal It.

I am too trusting. Please don't steal this idea, if anyone wants to hear more about it or even work with me on it then hit me up. This is my first draft, there's a lot I wan to add.







Lurking

Logline: Stranded on a small boat in the middle of the ocean; Darcy's honeymoon has become a nightmare. Her husband has vanished and her boat is being stalked by a terrifying creature in the water.

Lurking

Darcy and her husband Cade are about to embark on their honeymoon adventure, they plan on taking their small two person sailboat on a trip around the world. Making their way from California they plan on sailing the Southern Pacific route by way of the Pacific Ocean. Darcy isn't experienced but Cade is an avid sailor and has planned this for over a year, he's excited to take his wife on a trip around the world. Darcy is nervous about it but trusts Cade and loves the romantic idea of going on this adventure with the man she loves. Amidst well wishes and jealous congratulations from her friends the two set sail and head away from port, the weather is beautiful and the sun creates a golden glow on the water. By the end of the first day they find themselves all alone on the water, the lights of California are just visible on the horizon. Darcy is amazed by how peaceful it is, her reservations of the trip begin to fade. Cade surprises her with her favorite wine and a picnic on the bow. They make love under the moonlight. As she begins to fall asleep down below deck she hears a strange call off in the distance, something high pitched and clicking. She can't place it but dismisses it because it's so far away.


The next day Darcy wakes up alone, the boat is rocking heavily. She heads above deck and finds Cade working furiously to prepare for an impending storm, he tells her they need to get their sales down and have their emergency equipment ready. She's scared, he tells her not to worry; taking the time on that swaying boat to hold his wife and look deeply into her eyes and kiss her. He tells her again that it will be ok. Her nerves steady and she asks how she can help, he tells her to run down below and bring him his emergency kit. Darcy races down below, finds it and heads back upstairs. On the bow she sees Cade, mouth agape with a disturbed look on his face standing by the edge and staring out into the water. He's scanning the water as though he'd just seen something. His calm demeanor has changed, now he looks startled and nervous. Darcy snaps him back to reality and they get to work.

It's night now and Darcy is in bed below with Cade, the boat is being assaulted violently by the storm outside. Cade is holding Darcy to keep her calm. She closes her eyes and tries to shut it all out. Cade tells her that he’s there with her and she’ll be ok.



The next morning is calm, she wakes up alone in the bed again. Light shines in through the door which has been left open. She gets up and heads topside, when she gets to the top her stomach drops, she's overcome with paralyzing fear and disbelief. She's alone, Cade is nowhere to be seen. Panic sets in immediately,  she races around the small boat looking for him, eyes welling up with tears. She screams for him, she checks the water around her and screams his name at the top of her lungs. No answer. She races to the radio which she doesn't know how to use, she turns the dials desperately begging anyone listening for help. The isolation, the panic all hit her. She stumbles back below deck and falls to the ground unconscious.

It's later in the day and dark out, Darcy is lying in a ball on the floor. She's awake, lying there silently talking to herself; it's deathly silent. She perks up when she hears something on deck, she listens attentively. She hears it again. There's someone walking around up there, it must be CADE! She runs upstairs calling his name but what she sees startles her, she catches a slight glimpse of something slumping off the deck and springing back into the water. She grabs a flashlight and scans the water, shaking. She screams out once again for Cade and swings the light along the water. She catches the movement of something darting back underwater and drops the light in fear. She thinks she saw a face. A face of something, not Cade. She hears the same high pitched clicking that she heard on the first night, only now much, much closer.

Daytime - Darcy goes up deck to find that the boat has been damaged. She tries the radio again but doesn't get a signal, her phone is dead. She scans the boat for supplies. She finds first aid supplies, boating tools, a flare gun, there's enough food to last her a week or two. Cade would have made sure to be well supplied.

She tries to set the sail but isn't sure how. A gust of wind swings the rigging into her, knocking her into the water. She was hit hard and was rattled; underwater she struggles back towards the surface. In the distance she sees something swimming towards her. With every ounce of strength she races to the surface and pulls herself onto the boat. She spins around to see a shark, it missed her by seconds. She's rattled, scared and doesn't know what to do, she's in the most terrifying scenario imaginable and she knows it.

Time passes, it’s getting dark now. Darcy is on the deck sitting by the radio which looks like she's been trying to use it for a while, there are papers around it, a makeshift antenna...Darcy is eating a cereal bar. She hears the sound again, the high pitched clicking of the creature in the near distance, she clutches the flare gun closely. Darcy speaks into the radio. She broadcasts a distress plea to anyone listening. She talks about her boat, it's damage and her situation. She states that she thinks there's something in the water following her, she says that it comes each night, she says she feels like she's going crazy and finally she talks about Cade and how scared she is. There's absolutely no answer. Its starting to get dark. In the distance we hear a high pitched clicking sound. Its getting closer.

It's night, it's black out. Only the moon provides light, the glossy sheen of the boat reflects it into the water directly around the small vessel. It's easy to forget how immense the ocean she's lost in is with so much of it blacked out. Darcy is hiding below deck, she's curled up in a corner and absolutely terrified. She's holding the flare gun closely. She can hear the sounds the creature is making in the water all around her. Its stalking the boat and seems much more active at night. It gets quiet, extremely quiet. Middle of the ocean quiet. She hears the sound of it clawing at and probing the boat, exploring it underneath her. It makes its way up the side and she can hear the sound of it slumping onto the deck. Its topside, she terrified. She can see it's shadows, she can see movement, she can hear it. It's on the bow and it's slamming around. She can hear a squishy crunch and the sound of tearing, the creature screams out. She makes herself as small as she can and disappears into the shadows bellow, clutching her gun.

She wakes up the next morning, and heads upstairs to where the monster was. She finds a LOT of blood and the torn up remains of a shark on her bow. The blood will attract predators, she has to get out of there. She has to get the sail working. She spends the day working on it, as it gets darker she hears the creature's call moving closer and closer, finally as nights draws her sail snaps into place and she starts to move. She tears up, thankful and also finally facing the fact that Cade is never coming back.

Its night. She's on the move and suddenly her boat is slammed. She's sent flying. She screams 'NO', she can't believe it. She thought she left it behind. She's slammed again. Darcy takes to the wheel trying to steer away, it’s an act of desperation; she has no idea where the creature is. She's slammed again and knocked to the ground. She sees her sail come loose and rushes to fix it, it’s so dark and she struggles to repair the sail. She picks up her flashlight and shines it on the tangled rigging. From behind her appears the creature, she spins to shine the light on it but it takes a swing at her. The swipe the creature takes knocks Darcy to the floor and obliterates the rigging of the sail. The sail falls and the creature jumps back into the water. Darcy narrowly avoids being killed by the falling sail. Rigging falls into the water.

Darcy is hurt, she reaches into her waistband and makes sure she has her gun. Suddenly the bow of the ship begins to dip, something is pulling it down with incredible force. The back end of the ship lifts out of the water, the creature is pulling on the rigging. The pole its attached to is damaged, Darcy kicks the pole over and over until it snaps apart and the rigging is pulled underwater. The boat levels. The sail is destroyed, its dawn. Darcy can’t stand up, she’s been battered.

As dawn starts to break the creature is coming. Darcy is laying on her stomach, hurt, she hears the creature board the boat and slump towards her. The creature grabs her from behind and she spins around and puts a flare into the creature's chest, it falls backwards dead and slides into the water.
Its still dark out at the crack of dawn, the broken boat is drifting with Darcy unconscious. The boat comes to a stop, it's hit something and Darcy wakes up. It hit rocks in the middle of the ocean. Darcy looks up to see a very small island, roughly the size of a tennis court and swims towards it. The boat sinks.

On the land she finds the carcasses of all manner of sea creature. She also finds Cade's half devoured body. Behind her she can hear the sounds of the creature, then the sound of others, coming from several different directions. She's on her knees, she doesn't even turn around, a few of the creatures lurch onto the island out of the water and slump towards her. She doesn't turn to look, she has no more fight in her, she's resigned to her fate. She plays with her wedding ring as they get closer. The camera closes on a shot of her wedding ring moments before she's killed for sure.

-Thomas Holler 



I could probably just sell this as a remake of
'Creature from the Black Lagoon'





Sunday, February 24, 2013

There's something in the water

So this is a story breakdown for a horror script I am going to be working on.


Lurking


Darcy and her husband Cade are about to embark on their honeymoon adventure, they plan on taking their small two person sailboat on a trip around the world. Making their way from California they plan on sailing the Southern Pacific route by way of the Pacific Ocean. Darcy isn't experienced but Cade is an avid sailor and has planned this for over a year, he's excited to take his wife on a trip around the world. Darcy is nervous about it but trusts Cade and loves the romantic idea of sailing the world with the man she loves. Amidst well wishes and jealous congratulations from her friends the two set sail and head away from port, the weather is beautiful and the sun creates a golden glow on the water. By the end of the first day they find themselves all alone on the water, the lights of California are just visible on the horizon. Darcy is amazed by how peaceful it is, her reservations of the trip begin to fade. Cade surprises her with her favorite wine and a picnic on the bow. They make love under the moonlight. As she begins to fall asleep down below deck she hears a strange call off in the distance, something high pitched and clicking. She can't place it but dismisses it because it's so far away.

The next day she wakes up alone, the boat is rocking heavily. She heads above deck and finds Cade working furiously to prepare for an impending storm, he tells her they need to get their sales down and have their emergency equipment ready. She's scared, he tells her not to worry; taking the time on that swaying boat to hold his wife and look deeply into her eyes and kiss her. He tells her again that it will be ok. Her nerves steady and she asks how she can help, he tells her to run down below and bring him his emergency kit. She races down below, finds it and heads back upstairs. On the bow she sees Cade, mouth agape with a disturbed look on his face standing by the edge and staring out into the water. He's scanning the water as though he'd just seen something. His calm demeanor has changed, now he looks startled and nervous. Darcy snaps him back to reality.

It's night and Darcy is down below with Cade, the boat is being assaulted violently by the storm outside. They're laying in bed, Cade is holding Darcy to keep her calm. She closes her eyes and tries to shut it all out.

The next morning is calm, she wakes up alone in the bed. Light shines in through the door which has been left open. She gets up and heads topside, when she gets to the top her stomach drops, she's overcome with paralyzing fear. She's alone, Cade is nowhere to be seen. Panic sets in immediately,  she races around the small boat looking for him, eyes welling up with tears. She screams for him, she checks the water around her and screams his name at the top of her lungs. No answer. She races to the radio which she doesn't know how to use, she turns the dials desperately begging anyone listening for help. The isolation, the panic all hit her. She stumbles back below deck and falls to the ground unconscious.

It's later in the day and dark out, Darcy is lying in a ball on the floor. She's awake, lying there silently talking to herself; it's deathly silent. She hears something, she listens attentively. She hears it again. There's someone on the deck, she can hear them walking. It must be CADE! She runs upstairs calling his name but what she sees startles her, she catches a slight glimpse of something slumping off the deck and springing back into the water. She grabs a flashlight and scans the water, shaking. She screams out once again for Cade and swings the light along the water. She catches the movement of something darting back underwater and drops the light in fear. She thinks she saw a face. A face of something, not Cade. She hears the same high pitched clicking that she heard on the first night, only now much, much closer.


...Cont'd

...but scarier than this

Sunday, February 10, 2013

I didn't write this (obviously) but it's a great example of a short, easily consumable story that hits you at the heart. Poor kid never stood a chance.

From: Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman Annual #1
Marvel Comics
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Colleen Doran








Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I am 6'4 and I can't dunk, it's my single biggest failing in life

I am 6'4 and I can't dunk, it's my single biggest failing in life. For someone who can't dunk and never plays basketball I spend a good chunk of my day imagining myself obliterating some stupid defender with a mean spirited rim wrecker. In my fantasies I never jump right at the rim, I want to have to extend on my dunks so I can snap that rim down with everything I have. It sounds like a shotgun blast. In my younger days I remember working on a loading dock with a big garage door, we used to raise the garage door to the standard NBA 10 foot mark and see if we could touch it. At my most athletic I was able to barely smack it with my fingers, in other words I could touch the rim but not actually dunk a ball over and through it. Sometimes I forget that I am white. I don't feel white, on the inside I am seriously Marvin Gaye or something.

On the outside I look like this:



On the inside I look like this:



So it's easy for me to forget how white I actually am, until I try to dunk a basketball. Being tall; asking if I can dunk is a pretty common question I hear from strangers. I should after all be able to, I am tall and fit (and I don't think most people think I am white as well, because I get really mad if they do). I can dunk on an 8 foot net; yes, but I should be able to Mosgov a bitch at that height.




But my legs have failed me, I failed me. I should be able to link you a video of me throwing down that dunk I made up in my head where I jump up into the air toward the basket and THEN throw the ball off the floor for a bounce pass alley-oop to myself. AFTER I jump. It would have been sick, they would have nicknamed me Spider-man but now no one calls me that. Women would find me more attractive if I could dunk, men would respect me. It would have changed everything. Now the best I can offer is a link to a video of my boy doing what I should be doing.

Terrence Ross for the 2013 Dunk Contest Please.