MONOLOGUE MONDAYS - A Guy Who Says He's A Vampire Get's Called A Poseur.

VAMPIRE WANNABE

Yeah fine, believe what you want to believe but I never said vampires couldn't go in the sunlight. I said we don't LIKE the sunlight. It's bad for our skin, I just make that noise and run away from it when we go outside because I just...I hate it that much. It's gross, *HISSSSSSSSSSSSS. This doesn't prove anything! Close those drapes and about that ice cream cone, that doesn't prove anything either. I never said I ONLY drink blood, I said I MOSTLY drink blood. You never see it because obviously I don't do it in front of you, when I am around you I drink beer, I eat cobb salad sometimes and YES I have some Oreos or a half-moon or a muffin at my desk but I drink human blood ALL the time when I am at home. So, you know what...forget about me drinking this blood you got me. Not because I don't love blood, obviously I love blood but I am not going to just drink this to prove a point to you. That's GROSS by the way, bringing me a vial of blood to drink. I said I was hungry for blood as a joke, I didn't think you'd pull some out of your pocket. I already drank a bunch of blood in the bathroom and just didn't tell you. I don't tell you every time I drink someone's blood, so get out of here with these allegations. I told you, I don't feel the need to prove myself. Back in my old town I used to have to turn into a bat all the time for people just to prove that I was a vampire, it was demeaning. That's why you've never seen me do it, I promised myself I'd only turn into a bat when no one's around. So f**k off with this judgement Stephanie! 

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APE MONOLOGUES: I HATE CEO's

So I've been tinkering with writing monologues and I decided that I would go ahead and actually shoot some. I wrote this monologue for a friend who isn't an actor but I tailored the script to suit his voice and chose subject matter that speaks to him. We played with it, messed around with it, drank, here it is.

Here's the original monologue that we spun from:

I've lost the faith. I was lied to, I grew up being told that if you work hard and stay on the right path you can do anything. That's not true. I went to school, I worked hard all my life and you know what I was rewarded with? Lay offs. After 5 years of loyal service my company told me they were going to have to lay me off to cut costs. I said "What costs? You pay me close to minimum wage". You want to cut costs start chopping the off the heads of those vampires, those bloated leeches at the top who feed off the blood and sweat of those at the bottom. You have a guy up top who's paid $10 million who can literally be replaced by a weekly managers meeting and instead you'd rather cut 400 of us, hard working people before you'd dare get rid of him. Why are CEO's so untouchable? If the company is doing so poorly that you have to lay me and all my friends off then you have to ask yourself, is this a**hole worth his salary? The salary of 400 men? Why do we place such value on these lily white, yes men. These swindling hotshots who've convinced these companies that they're irreplaceable. No one's irreplaceable. We aren't talking about Lebron James or Usain Bolt, these aren't rare specimens of men who only come around once in a lifetime. These are average men who have tricked the whole world into thinking they're smarter than they really are, and now I am the one who has to pay for their stupidity. I've lost the faith. I am done working for these types of men. I am through with working for someone else, someone who reaps all the benefits of my hard work. Maybe I'll be a prostitute, I mean...if I am going to get f**ked everyday I may as well get paid for it.

A**hole