This short script is completely self explanatory and dumb. It's about 3 roommates, Rick, Chris and Harold trying to decide if a black spot on a table is a chocolate chip or a spider.
Harold is the dumb guy, he's slack-jawed and overweight. The other two characters can be just about anyone you imagine them as.
Script - the Spider
Scene: Rick is sitting on the couch shouting to Chris who has locked himself in the other room.
RICK
Ok, it’s probably gone now
CHRIS
Probably? Did you see it leave? Why didn’t you kill it?
RICK
I never kill spiders
CHRIS
Well from now on I need you to ALWAYS kill spiders
RICK
I don’t know why you’re so scared, it’s not like we have tarantulas out here.
CHRIS
I am not scared of spiders, I just hate them. They make me so mad I scream.
RICK
And run away, and hide.
CHRIS
I go to my room to cool off, yes. Because I am mad, I HATE that spider.
RICK
What spider? I don’t even see anything
Ok, it’s probably gone now
CHRIS
Probably? Did you see it leave? Why didn’t you kill it?
RICK
I never kill spiders
CHRIS
Well from now on I need you to ALWAYS kill spiders
RICK
I don’t know why you’re so scared, it’s not like we have tarantulas out here.
CHRIS
I am not scared of spiders, I just hate them. They make me so mad I scream.
RICK
And run away, and hide.
CHRIS
I go to my room to cool off, yes. Because I am mad, I HATE that spider.
RICK
What spider? I don’t even see anything
Chris comes storming out of the bathroom.
CHRIS
You let it get away???
Chris sees something on the table that startles him, he grabs a pillow of the couch and hides behind it like a shield.
CHRIS
It’s right THERE. At first I thought it was just rat shit but it's not. It's a gross spider!
It’s right THERE. At first I thought it was just rat shit but it's not. It's a gross spider!
Chris points to an unmoving black dot on the table, some feet away.
RICK
That’s a chocolate chip
CHRIS
That’s a spider, I can see it’s legs
RICK
Those are just hairs and dust and mold and..HAROLD YOU SAID YOU CLEANED THIS PLACE!
That’s a chocolate chip
CHRIS
That’s a spider, I can see it’s legs
RICK
Those are just hairs and dust and mold and..HAROLD YOU SAID YOU CLEANED THIS PLACE!
Harold enters from around the corner.
HAROLD
I was just in the other room reading.
CHRIS
You’re a liar. Harold I want to you to do a complete sweep of this house for spiders.
RICK
And I want you to clean up this chocolate chip and tell me if it’s a spider.
I was just in the other room reading.
CHRIS
You’re a liar. Harold I want to you to do a complete sweep of this house for spiders.
RICK
And I want you to clean up this chocolate chip and tell me if it’s a spider.
Harold walks over to the dark spot on the table and in one motion he picks it up and puts it right in his mouth.
CHRIS
You’re a pig, you’re a disgusting pig…. Well tell us what it was you pig. Was it a spider or a chocolate chip?
HAROLD
Kind hard to tell (Harold is wearing a face on him that almost looks like he just bit into a lemon, tears and all). How is a spider supposed to taste?
RICK
Not chocolaty
HAROLD
Probably a spider then
You’re a pig, you’re a disgusting pig…. Well tell us what it was you pig. Was it a spider or a chocolate chip?
HAROLD
Kind hard to tell (Harold is wearing a face on him that almost looks like he just bit into a lemon, tears and all). How is a spider supposed to taste?
RICK
Not chocolaty
HAROLD
Probably a spider then
END
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| Chocolate chip spider This is as good as I draw. |
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